Sex Shops & Lollipops
by il-bel-mondo
Summary: Bella's a determined professional, her career takes priority in her life. With no time to date she decides to get herself a B.O.B. When it leaves her less than'satisfied' she returns to the store & meets a sexy manager who offers to show her the bunny way
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey y'all hey. This is a new little fic I'm working on. And by little I mean that this will probably run just a handful of chappies. I hop you like it, I've been wanting to write it up for awhile. Big frikken ass slaps to lexiecullen17 for being my kick ass betafish. By the way you should be reading The Longest Summer by her...it's on my favs. j/s****  
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****As always Twilight stuff belong to SM I just own the crazy shit I make them do.**** *smirks*  
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**Smooch, smooch...kiss, kiss. Tell me if you think I should continue this.****  
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As I blew the wayward strands of hair from my forehead, I realized that it was going to be a long day. Well, another day of long hours and grunt errands to run; but, at least I had a job. See, when you go to college, study hard, and get your degree, no one tells you, no matter how qualified you are, you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. Hence, eight years...eight long years of college, has equaled to me doing lab runs and all sorts of other menial jobs.

Not that I'm complaining, but I'd be lying if I said that there hadn't been a few Seattle Grace delusions/fantasies floating about my head. Sadly, though, I found out I'm no Meredith Grey...aloof and slutty were not on my resume. I guess you could rank me as sort of a mixture of Christina Yang and George...determined to succeed and completely sexually unaware.

I had graduated in the top five percent of my class, and I'd been actively recruited by some of the top hospitals in the country. So, when I accepted a position at a Los Angeles facility, ranked at the top for their surgery and trauma units...I never thought it would be like this. Naturally, I assumed the long days and even longer shifts, but I was single with no living family or relationships to distract me.

So, I'd charged in like a bull in a china shop-all sorts of prepared-having memorized as much as I could of the medical journal. What I was not prepared for were my two third-year residents, Mike and Tyler. Or as they like to be called, Doctors Newton and Crowley. They were definitely not McDreamy or McSteamy...more on the lines of McFugly and McHandsy.

With every 'teaching' opportunity, someone had a hand on my arm, shoulder, or back. If I hadn't been so driven, then I would have snapped back a finger or two. Instead, I got mean and full out Kathy Griffin bitchy after months of reckless, puberty-plagued, teenage boy behavior.

"Doctor Newton," I spoke after one particular touch fell below the small of my back. "If your shoes are any indication of length and your thumb of girth, I can see that you're wasting both of our times here."

His mouth fell open, and Crowley gasped as our patient stifled her giggles. As I walked briskly from the room, I threw a parting comment over my shoulder. "And Doctor Crowley? Was that a gay gasp I just heard? I knew I had you pegged correctly when I started here."

As I hid in an on-call room and tried to steady my breath, I realized that I was tired of being touched. And I was sexually frustrated. Ironic, right? I resolved my feelings by telling myself that I could fix at least one of these problems. As I walked out the hospital's front door at the end of my shift, I hummed Alanis Morisette's "Isn't It Ironic", determined to enjoy my day off.

The streets of West Hollywood were littered with sex shops and all sorts of other _interesting_ things. Interesting to the point that I had ditched my purse at home and carried my wallet and cell in the pockets of my faded and ripped Deisel jeans. The Pleasure Chest was a shop that had been recommended to me by a nurse that I'd gotten close with...Alice. That chick was chocked full of energy, and I thought maybe she knew all about battery operated toys because she was one.

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The store was much more massive on the inside than the tiny storefront showed . Aisles and shelves upon the brightly painted walls were so packed that I was sure if someone else were in my walking path, I'd have to side step them or risk ramming shoulders.

Crazy purple walls and a gleaming, highly polished tile floor kind of made me think of a retro club turned porn shop. Correction- sexual health and novelty store. HA. What a laugh...porn shop. It was vast and overwhelming, and the second I started to back toward the door and bolt, a hand touched my elbow and a voice found my ears.

"Is there something I can help you find?" A southern voice as smooth as a good whiskey drawled from beside me. I turned, and he grinned widely at me. "I'll take it from the lack of speech and the wide doe eyes that you're a virgin." When I coughed and started sputtering and choking on nothing he added, "I mean in the shop...a virgin here to the store...a first-timer." The wicked glint in his ocean blue eyes told me he knew exactly what he'd said.

"I'm too busy with work to date." Yes, this was the only solid, complete sentence my brain could form, and I had word vommed it all over his pretty boy toes, peeking out from the straps of some Birkenstocks. But even with my embarrassment, the damned evil cowboy dressed like a hippie, winked, nodded, and with his hand still at my elbow walked down the center aisle.

"You look like you could handle yourself in the right situation...and by that I don't mean _handle yourself._ You're no wimp, prissy girl...I can sense the tough in you, but I still think you're a pinky." All the wrong sexual innuendos I'd heard at work and throughout my life exploded in my frontal lobe, and once again I was stammering at the blue-eyed devil. "This is one of the most popular with your type. And by type, I mean strong, virginal, hard working, pinky persona."

With a final wink, he slapped a rectangular black box in my palm before pointing toward the register. The slinky blonde working the till nodded at him and waved me over. Who knew? It looked like he got commission on my potential orgasm inducer. I started giggling at the momentary thought of percentage per production. Multiple orgasms would equal a higher commission rate.

The woman at the counter rang up the black box-that I hadn't even bothered to check over-and in a too nasal voice said, "With the discount, it'll be thirty-four dollars on the dot."

"Discount?" I mumbled incoherently. I got a nod in return and a flick of blonde hair in the direction of Winky the devilish Cowboy. He grinned, and I handed over my credit card. And as I signed my name on the receipt, I realized I was glad I no longer shared a bank account with the paternals. _Think of the fun conversation you're missing out on. "Bella, what did you purchase at the Pleasure Chest? Do we need to have a talk? Is there something you're keeping to yourself? You don't have to...just talk to me."_

Again with the hysterical giggling as I walked away from the counter. I was pretty sure I was laughing and clutching at the solid black plastic bag like I was some junkie that had just scored with my drug of choice. Oh, sex toy...you are my personal brand of heroin.

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When I got to the house, I tried my damnedest to set the plastic sack on the dining room table and ignore it. I fidgeted through cooking dinner but kept glancing at the table so often that I nearly burned the pan-seared chicken I was cooking. And once it came time to eat, I should have poured the fucking coal black bag a glass of wine; I didn't even move it off the table when I sat down.

The fact that my hands shook and were slightly clammy made me feel like I was sitting in some bistro on a first date. I was fucking losing it. I may have even started having one-sided conversations with myself. "How was your day at work? Fucking peachy, I finally told tweedle dee and tweedle fucktard were they could stick their hands." Yup, and heaven behold, I started laughing at my own banter.

Finally, I just gave up. I scraped my food into the trash, tidied the kitchen, and on the way to my room snatched said first date off the table. Sneaking a peek at the front door ensured that it was locked, and as I hit the light switch-turning the living area dark-the flutter of nervous butterflies arose in my stomach.

This was getting out of control. I mean, just because it had been forever since I'd had sex didn't mean that sex with an inanimate object should stir up such anxiety. Like the battery operated toy was gonna care that my hoohah and legs weren't shaved. The snort that escaped my lips echoed off the silent walls of my barren room.

It had been so long, and the tidy emptiness of my room only brought home that thought home even more. I plopped my body heavily down on the bed, the black bag in my hands. _Why the fuck am I nervous about this? It's like washing your hair...penetrate, pull out, and repeat._

Five minutes of internal debating finally led to me dumping the bag onto the bed. The long slender box had a half-naked woman petting a fuzzy pink bunny. _WTF?_ Exactly what I was thinking, and what did I let John Wayne sale me?

My mouth dropped open, and I stared at the contents like they were from the future. And I was almost positive my vajayjay stood up and took note. The vibrator was a sparkly iridescent pink, the shaft was filled with tiny, metallic balls, and protruding from the side was a fucking bunny! The words "My First Bunny" were scrawled across the top.

The base of the whole thing had buttons and lights; it was ridiculous. My mind raced at what this thing might actually do. The pad of my thumb grazed over a button and must have activated it because-I'll be fucked seven ways from Sunday-but the damned head of it started rotating in circles.

I hit it again, and it sped up. Another button and the wascaly wabbit ears starting humming and dancing. I was close to being scared and awed when I hit the third button and the rotations of the cock head changed as did the vibrating ears. Jeebus fucking orgasm-inducing What's up Doc.

There were just too many options and combinations for my brain to illicitly imagine, so I peered into the box-hoping to see some directions. There was nothing in there except a small square foil package. _You're kidding me right?_ For sure they didn't think my vibrator and I needed to use protection.

I grabbed the packet and felt it smush between my fingertips. This wasn't a contraceptive but a sample package and W.E.T-lubricant. Well, if I was gonna do this, I might as well go all out.

My clothes were taken off quickly and tossed into the hamper, and in a moment of silliness, I turned on some music. From hence forth, Genuwine's "Anxious" would be known as masturbation musication. I laid back and tentatively started gliding the head along my now slick folds-thanks to being W.E.T.

My eyes shut and my back arched in anticipation. The molded pink head dipped into my entrance, and I bit into my bottom lip. Easing it slowly inside me, I felt my body's response instantly. My walls started to grab and caress the thing-like seducing it to stay. Damn succubus vagina.

The first button I hit happened to control the bunny ears, the jerk and near painful loss of air from lungs bordered on pleasure. My clit twitched, basking in the attention it was receiving while I was still filled. I hit another button, and the steady vibration turned into orgasmic pulses.

My eyes rolled back in my head, and with my free hand, I clutched at the bedspread. My occupied hand knew instinctively the rhythm my aching walls required. In, out, pause, in, out, in, out...the stroke's pace increased, my pinkie hit something at the base and a whirring noise filled the air. But the pounding of my heart in my ears caused me not to notice-well that was until the whirring, buzzing, pulses ceased.

It was like someone was sexually torturing me, bringing me right to the edge and then falling asleep on top of me. Some epic fail of bad sex repeating itself in my memory brought me close to tears, completely bringing my arousal smashing back into submission-and not the good kind.

Pissed off and with a female's case of blue balls, I tossed the damned selfish lover onto the bedside table, hid under the covers and resolved myself to punching that smiling cowboy right between his pretty boy blues tomorrow.

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**Ducks and hides...don't hate me for ending here, it seemed natural and please remember this is a Bella/Edward story I promise.****  
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****Sooooo what did you think? Want me to write you some more? Click that button and let me know something.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey, hey, hey chickens and roosters, here's the next installment of **_**"The orgasm that got away"**_**-as one of my readers called it. LMAO Seriously, I flove you all...thanks for the reviews and alerts and fav'ing of this story. Ass smack and bewbie pats to you all.**

**Thanks to the lovely lexiecullen17 & SnozzberryFaery for betafishing this crazy shit for me. They rock hard, and to Twighlitfanfic (aka ipreferbrunettes) for pre-reading this for me. Smoochies, ladies.**

**I'm hosting a contest with the wonderous YogaGal_ and SorcerressCirce, called The Plot Bunny Contest. Check out the entries that we've got in so far-you can go to the C2 on my page. Entries are due in July 31st so keep an eye out. **

**SM owns Twi, I just turn them into pornstars. **

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The rest of my night was spent tossing and turning in bed. When I finally got to sleep I dreamt about hot, raunchy, wild abandoned sex. And fuck me if I didn't wake up _right_ before I got a chance to orgasm.

The result was me waking up, still frustrated, and not just sexually. My head ached and my muscles felt stretched but not sore in the way I needed them to be. My resolve still held firm in the fact that I was heading back to the Pleasure Chest and giving the cowboy a piece of mind for playing with my emotions...and my satisfaction?.

I mean, can't a girl have a professional career _and_ a social life? Men did it all the time. GAH! No, I was too consumed with being a good doctor and making it through my residency to date or have sex. I wasn't bad looking or anything. I would date if men didn't fucking irk my nerves so damned much; but I'd been reduced to shopping at a purple walled store with wild blue-eyed devils as salesmen.

The same snake oil salesman that I wanted to pummel into cowboy mash. Yes, because I finally broke down and embarrassed myself into a rambling mess buying small cute animals turned sex toys-that didn't fulfill their job description. _Haha, I make it sound like innocent church girls turned Girls Gone Wild bewb flashers._ That's why I was most definitely heading back to Hollywood and giving that Southerner a piece of my mind.

A quick clock check told me it was early in the day. My shift didn't start until eleven tonight, so I basically had the entire day to kill. _And we're going start with the blue-eyed devil._ My inner bitch reared her ugly head, and I had a feeling that she would be front and center for the rest of the day.

I found stale bagels on top of the fridge. Sadly, I gave up on breakfast when I found myself trying to gnaw through the damned thing like I was a tiger in the wild, munching on antelope chips.

Just outside my building, I lucked out; there was a cab. Not just a cab, but an empty one...ready to go. I hopped in and gave the guy the street name where I wanted to go. No way in hell was I telling him to drop me off at a sex store.

I knew that I was being paranoid- like the guy would want to dive into a conversation on dildos, handcuffs, and lube. Still, every time I looked up from my lap-where the black bag was tucked inside a grocery sack, hiding the dark plastic-I swear he was eyeing me in the rear view mirror.

The moment he turned the corner of the street I wanted and the store was in my sight-line, I hollered for him to just let me out. Hand to God, the man winked at me when I paid the fare and jumped out of the backseat...like my needy vagina had set it afire.

Once I was sure my jeans hadn't turned me into Johnny Blaze, I set to walking-well, stomping-toward the Pleasure Chest's front doors.

The sky was overcast and barely any sunshine could escape the dreary gray wash of clouds. I was so busy noticing the weather that what I didn't see was the store hours sign to the right of the front door. Oh, but my face noticed when it slammed into the hard reflective glass as I tried to push it open.

A loud "thwap" resounded in my ears. The hair that had fallen forward in my eyes was angrily pushed back, my hand staying tangled in the tresses as I exhaled in utter frustration. "Fuckity, fuck stupid fucking door. Stupid fucking rabbit. Screwy fucking elusive orgasmic experience it promised."

My voice had risen and was bouncing off the glass, back at me-much in the way my face had. When it dawned on me that the people reflected in the door were behind me, on the street, and watching my erratic complaining about orgasms and rabbits...my face turned hot, and I could feel the red heat creep up my neck and face.

To try and deflect the attention I had brought on myself, I read the store hours sign out loud. The place didn't open until noon. Noon, on a weekday? Of course an adult novelty store wouldn't think of selling sinful things before lunch time.

That thought alone made me snort, and I decided that there was no way I was hopping back in a cab to leave and come back later. Across the street was a small coffee shop, it's glass window boasting the best coffee cake in the whole city.

The sweet cinnamon and brewed bean smell hit me mid-stride as I stepped up and onto the curb. Well, tried to, anyway. My toe hit the edge of the cement ledge, and I stumbled my way onto the sidewalk. I mean, I was no Grace Kelly, but I sure as hell wasn't some bumbling bitch who couldn't put one foot in front of the other. I decided to blame it on sexual frustration, lack of sustenance and a general grumpiness.

As I took another step, I slammed into something hard.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I screeched out, irritation oozing from my every syllable.

"Well, I hadn't said anything yet, but I could tell you a joke if you'd like." The deep bass of a male's voice sounded out, close to my ear. My eyes shot up and focused on a pair of sparkling emerald green eyes.

I pulled away quickly, as I recognized that I had rammed right into his chest and still hadn't backed out of his personal space. "S-s-sorry, it's been a crappy morning...well the last twelve hours or so." Shit, I was even stumbling over my own words.

"No worries." He smirked and held the door open for me. "But maybe you should go in first." The underlying laughter in his words made the genuine smile on his face astounding. His teeth were a gleaming white. I did a double-take, because for a second it almost looked like he had fangs.

Shaking the weird girl I'd become out of my head, I walked into the cafe. At the counter, the teenage girl standing there just stared at me until I ordered. "Ummm I'd like a Chai Latte with a shot of espresso and a slice of coffee cake please." She grinned up at me then mumbled something about that being her favorite drink.

Instant friendship aside, I waited happily at the drink counter for my order. I noted, with satisfaction, that the place was crowded and there were not many seats open. A good sign that the window bragging may be true.

Just as my order came up, a gentleman sitting near me stood and offered me his seat. "I'm getting ready to leave and you look like you could use a seat." He smiled at me, his teeth peeking through the massive beard that surrounded his mouth.

"Thanks." I spoke quietly and took the proffered seat. It faced the window, but not the one showing the shop I would be going to. I sighed a breath of relief from my lungs and I eased at the fact I wouldn't be faced by the place causing my irk.

Instead of focusing on my frustration, I lounged back and thought of Irish green eyes and a perfect jawline.

God, I needed to get laid. If I didn't soon, I was sure one of the many fantasies I'd been having would leave me moaning in public. An audience was not what I was looking for. Nonetheless, my vivid imagination kicked up again, and I thought about the almost-fangs I'd seen, piercing my skin in an erotic nip. Before I knew it, my phone pinged with an alarm telling me it was noon.

I looked down at the table and saw that, evidently, my stomach and mouth didn't need the occupied part of my mind to consume what I'm sure was the cities best coffee cake and latte, because my plate was clean and my cup was empty. As my body turned in the seat, the sound of rustling plastic rose up, my package slipping off my lap and hitting the floor...the concealed black bag spilling out.

A gasp escaped my lips and with the looks I got from nearby coffee-goers, either they knew just what I had in there or they plain out thought I was a nutso bag lady. Erikah Badu's song popped in my head and played like bad background music as I scooped up my crap from the floor tucked it under my arm like I was pro football player, and bolted from the store.

The Pleasure Chest was now my end zone, and I planned to spike the damned bunny in a bag as an immaculate touch down dance. _Maybe that's not the best approach_, I thought. _What? To let them in on the very evident fact that you've gone crazy from lack of sex?_ Well, yeah. _Sure, keep it under wraps and then let your crazy pounce on them. _

Aaaand...that was exactly what I did. The girl from last night that had rung me up was practically right where I left her. I smiled sweetly and walked calmly to the cashier's counter.

"Hi, I was in here last night." I spoke, the words an even stream falling from my mouth.

"Oh yeah," She interrupted. "You're pinky." Oh boy, if that wasn't the match that lit my fire.

"No, I'm the pissed off bitch whose new 'Guaranteed' toy _failed_. Literally stopped working the moment it got me working." Yeah, it was a cunt move, and I may have used air quotations, but fuck it, I was pissed. Her lax jaw and wide eyes told me that I had made my point.

Hubris swelled in my chest, but you know what they say about being prideful. A cough, slash clearing of a throat, behind me deflated my pride parade. Simultaneously, I saw the awkward look on her face hadn't been from my rant, but for _me_. I turned to see a smirking face and familiar green eyes, glinting with a knowledge I wish they didn't have.

"Fuuuuuck." I choked out.

"That seems to be the problem, yes?" My mouth fell open at his words. "A right to the point kinda gal, I like it." He grinned.

I left the package on the counter, took the wad of ID's and credit cards from my pocket, and unwrapped the receipt from around my Visa, which got dropped next to the black bag.

"I knew I shouldn't have listened to that silly, bouncy nurse Alice." I said under my breath and huffed out of the store. "Hey, you can have pinky now. The fucking thing reminded me of too many failed escapades." I shot over my shoulder as I pulled open the front door.

Feeling very emboldened, I hailed a cab and took myself shoe shopping. A good pair of shoes was worth every penny you would spent on them and though they may leave your feet achy, at the end of the day, they make you feel sexy and fabulous.

I contemplating taking a cab, but I decided I'd better walk instead. The animosity and tension coursing through me needed to be walked off. I spotted a few shoe shops a little ways up the block. As long as I found my shoes and got myself a quick dinner, I could head home and change before my shift started.

Two hours later I emerged with not one but three new pairs of shoes-one of which was currently snuggling my feet. It was love at first sight, so I did what any rational woman would do, I bought it in three colors. My tennis shoes were tucked in the bag, my new Jimmy Choos on my feet.

My steps slicked and clacked on the pavement of the sidewalk. Looking around, I realized that no matter the time of day, this part of Hollywood, the crazies came out to play. I saw women in slinky dresses that were blatantly men. Hookers, teenagers, and shoppers alike wove in and out of each other's path with a second glance.

I was _so_ right, the new shoes made me feel empowered and emboldened...so much so that I feared for anyone who stepped in front of me at work today. Doctor Bella Swan was not going to put up with the bullshit tonight. I smirked at the thought and tossed my hair over my shoulder in a flippant move, which got me a few whistles from some straight men and the transvestites.

Walking back down the street, towards the cluster of cabs, I may have even heard a _"Work it, sister!"_ ring out behind me.

Oh yes, honey, I planned to.

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**A/N: *snickers* Soooo, I told you she'd meet up with SEXward, didn't I?  
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**What did you think? And where do you think my twisted little mind is going with this?**

*whispers* hit the review button, purrlease.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, hey, hey...so I know that I'm posting on a Saturday but I just couldn't wait until tomorrow to give it to y'all.. *giggle* that's what he said. With that said, I had a few people want to know a posting schedule...I want to try and post on a weekly basis, as I've been doing. So fingers crossed that that continues. Look for SexWARD updates every weekend.**

**Okay, huge thanks to lexiecullen17 & snozzberryfaery for being awesome beta-fish. And ass pats and bewbie smacks to Twighlit and BritPackSuccubus for pre-reading my pervtastic words. **

**Voting for the Plot Bunny Contes-which I'm co-hosting- starts on August 5th-my birthday actually..Woot Woot.**

**SM owns Twilight and it's characters I just play with them.**

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**EPOV**

I stepped back and watched the tiny ball of fires' flame grow bright and agitated. I'd seen her at the coffee shop, and I had been so close to speaking to her before she'd gotten up and went over to my shop.

And now, she was very close to exploding all over my brand new employee. I mean, Christ on a cracker, Gianna had only been here a few weeks.

"No, I'm the pissed off bitch whose new 'Guaranteed' toy _failed_. Literally stopped working the moment it got me working." I watched as she lifted her hands to make quotation marks while she spoke.

Gianna spotted me, and her eyes spoke volumes. _Help me, this lady is crazy_, they pleaded. Trying hard not to laugh out loud at the sheer amounts of sexy she was when pissed, I cleared my throat and waited for her to turn around.

"Fuuuuuck." She elongated the word, and her shoulders instantly tensed up. I decided then and there, I liked her all riled up and mean. So I did what any adult male would do...I provoked her.

"That seems to be the problem, yes?" I said once she finally turned around. Her mouth went wide, kind of like a silent moan. "A right to the point kinda gal, I like it." I smiled at her, thinking of how dirty she probably talked in bed.

Instead of saying anything, she thrust a black bag down on the counter forcefully. _ Yes to thrusting and doing it forcefully. _My brain is so fucked up.

Suddenly, her face changed into the crimson color of ripe strawberries, and she manhandled a wad of folded papers and plastic cards out of her pocket.

What caught my eye, though, was the hospital ID badge. I memory-banked that information just in time to hear her mumble to herself, "I knew I shouldn't have listened to that silly, bouncy nurse Alice."

As luck would have it, I knew a nurse named Alice who shopped here and worked at the very hospital this girl's badge was from.

"Hey, you can have Pinky now. The fucking thing reminded me of too many failed escapades!" she yelled out, before she turned and stomped out the door. I blinked rapidly to clear any thoughts of her naked with other guys-failed attempts or not.

For some strange reason, as I watched her flag a cab and shoo it away, I found myself wanting to be the guy she planned escapades with. Maybe, I could even show her how to put her rabbit to use.

I picked up the box from the counter and clapped it to my palm, much like a disciplinarian would a paddle. I shuddered, and shook off the whole new array of dirty thoughts that just popped up. _You know that's not the only thing that popped up._ Oh fuck, now my erection was speaking to me.

Gianna, however, still looked a bit startled. I shrugged and told her, "We've seen crazier than that in here before. Ask Jasper about his _favorite_ customer."

I laughed and walked towards my office in the back. My cock decided it was going to pull a James Earl Jones and monologue my trek. _If you return it, she will cum. If you return it, she will cum._ Fucking jerk, my dick. _Ha-ha, jerk...dick._

Smart penis aside, I thought about heading to that hospital and bringing her a "gift". But who, exactly, was _she?_ Shit, I'd forgotten to get her real name, and I couldn't exactly go in there and ask for Pinky or the "crazy sexless woman stomping around".

Basically, I ended up falling into my seat at the desk, my fingers lost in my hair until I saw it...my saving grace. The credit card receipt, which had her signature on it, and the computer printed name above it to match.

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**BPOV**

I headed into work, still in quite the mood; my resolve to step on the face of anyone that bothered me was in place. Probably because of the fabu-Choos on my feet and the fact that I hadn't paid full price for them. It was just more incentive to put them to good use. After I'd stormed in, red-faced, and spilled my guts to the salesman, he gave me a discount.

Laughing, I thought about the rest of my outing, which had consisted of a cab home to change, and a microwaved panini sandwich. Yes, I knew that shit wasn't healthy, regardless of what the fucking box's name said.

Newton and Crowley kept a safe distance from me when I strutted in an hour early. I guessed yesterday's outburst had really traumatized them. Crowley actually side stepped around me in the hall and paused so that I could walk past him.

The patients were polite and easygoing today; it was some kind of miracle. I even garnered a few compliments about my new shoes...even a back-handed one from mean old Mrs. O'Shea.

"Why dear, those shoes make your legs look so much slimmer than they are." I smiled, well sneered really, and told her that she'd better eat her lunch before a nurse took her tray away.

Alice was lurking somewhere-like she had a sixth sense and _knew _I wanted to hurt her. I knew she was assigned to this floor today. I just hadn't found her...yet.

My feet started screaming at me as the end of my twelve hour shift neared. A new male nurse caught my eye as he was staring at my legs. What a good pair of shoes could do to your calves was amazing.

The annoying little nurse that I'd been waiting to choke spoke cheerily into the intercom. "Doctor Isabella Swan, you are needed at the nurse's station." I tossed my hair over my shoulder, threw my shoulders back, and as I stormed towards the voice, I smiled at the admiring nurse.

Boy, he was pretty. I was sure with his long black hair, which was pulled into a low ponytail, and what appeared to be a very fit body, he'd look good in a loincloth. I shook the distracting thoughts from my head and got back to the menacing hair pulling ones about Nurse Alice.

My rampage was once again interrupted by someone stepping into my smirk stopped me in my tracks and forced me to appraise the deliciousness before me. A pair of brilliant emerald eyes, set in a pale face and framed with golden, copper locks. Dark, low slung jeans with a sliver of exposed skin hung just below a fitted, plain white, Hanes t-shirt.

"Fuuuuck." I stammered, out as I almost fell face first into his crotch. The toe of my very expensive shoe had caught on the corner of the nurse's counter. I swore I could even hear that bouncy little nurse giggling.

"Well, that's the blunt girl I remember." He smiled as I fixed my hair and straightened my white doctor's coat. "But this really isn't the place to discuss future plans, is it?"

"What are _you_ doing here?" I hissed between teeth so tightly clenched my jaw was starting to hurt.

"I saw your ID in that mess you pulled out of your pocket." He smirked and threw a swoon-worthy smile over at the huddled, nosy nurses at the desk. I was positive they gave a collective sigh-to which I turned and glared at them. He cleared his perfectly elongated throat until I turned back toward him.

"You mentioned a Nurse Alice." He gave an effeminate wave to someone behind me. "I put two and two together. I'm very good at putting things together, you know?"

"I'm sure your hand doesn't appreciate you telling it's business in public." I spat out before I could stop myself. Sweet jeebus, had that just come out of my mouth? I was mortified, and he had the audacity to laugh; he wasn't offended in the least. I pushed out my chin. "Okay, why are you here? Did you feel the need to further my humiliation beyond your workplace?"

"Oh, quite the contrary, Ms. O-less. I wanted to show you." Had he just waggled his eyebrows at me? And why did his voice get so low? "Well, show you what great customer service I can _give_ to you." His hand touched my shoulder, and then his fingers slowly ran down my arm.

My mouth sputtered some nonsensical string of incoherent vowel sounds, while Mr. Plain White Tee just smiled toothily and handed me a shoebox-sized wrapped package. I watched, speechless, as his very fine, jean-clad ass strutted into the elevator. I stayed that way, completely immobile, until the doors closed and hid him from my view. Well, that is until a tiny manicured hand touched my chin and finally closed my mouth.

"Doll, with your mouth open like that, you're going to give that man the wrong impression." I blinked to clear my mind and must have mumbled something along the lines of '_huh?_' or '_what?_' because the voice answered. "You know. Open door, open invitation. Keep the door closed, darling." She patted under my chin to get me to close my-once again-parted lips.

"Fuuu..." I started to curse myself, but then I thought of all the verbal trouble that word had gotten me into today.

A decidedly better move would be for me to get back to work, and that was exactly what I planned to do. First, I just needed to find a quiet, hidden place and open the package he'd brought.

With the way my day had been going, I shouldn't have been surprised when my hospital pager went off, announcing that my help was needed for an emergency. Mrs. O'Shea had coded and they were wheeling a crash cart into her room, mere feet in front of the quiet solace of the on-call room.

I saw Alice out of the corner of my eye and knew that even if I was pissed at her, I trusted her. "Alice, can you lock this up for me and keep all those other nosey biddies away from it?"

She nodded and took the box from my hands. That was the first time I got a good look at it. Alice was trying not giggle as we both stared at the purple and pink Easter wrapping paper...covered in hundreds of bunnies.

_Who the fuck is this guy? We're not even close to Easter._ Maybe he moonlighted at a party store or something. I shrugged and thought about what the likelihood was of a sex store having a gift wrapping counter. _Really, Bella, don't you have a crash cart to help with? _

I rushed down the hallway to the chaotic room and thought about that fucking bunny-or non-fucking bunny, as it had been. It was making me crazy. I pulled a set of my secret stash, extra small, latex gloves from my pocket and snapped them in place on my hands.

Being in a male dominant career had taught me they didn't always order the extra small gloves before they ran out. Before I could even attempt to assist, they shocked the patient's heart and the solid green line regained the jagged-edge marks of a steady heartbeat.

The pretty male nurse from earlier was there, towering over everyone in the room. He nudged me with his elbow and smiled sweetly. "She's too mean to die, yet. Stop looking so worried."

I grinned up at him, feeling a bit embarrassed and guilty that he thought I looked stressed about the patient, when it was really over a smart-mouthed sex store employee. "Thanks," I looked down at his ID badge, "Nurse Black."

The man's very large hand shot out to shake mine. When he clamped around my much smaller palm, all I could feel was heat. _Oh my, the 'gina' fire has spread through my skin like a rash. Fuck, Bella, stop thinking about your hoo-hah and rashes at the same time._

Before I could make a fool out of myself, Dr. Crowley called to me from the hallway. "Doctor Swan, a word please." It didn't really sound like a request, so I smiled at the man with heated hands then got in step with the sexual harasser.

"Yes, Doctor, what did you need?" I asked in the most professional tone I could muster. He paused in his step, and I'll be damned, but the bastard's face was screwed up all tight.

"I get that my past behavior was the wrong way in approaching you, but do you really have to flirt with a nurse in front of me?" Well, fuck me silly. The man was jealous.

I cleared my throat and looked down at my shoes to hide the insane smile creeping onto my lips. Once, I had my face straight I looked up at him.

"Dr. Crowley, I'm sorry that you took the professional demeanor between two colleagues as flirting...I assure you it was not." _Liar, you pictured him all Conan in a loin cloth._ "In regard to it being in front of you, I also assure I don't plan on having any relationship-other than work-with a co-worker."

His face showed the rejection, and for a second I almost felt sorry for him, but then I remembered all the ass pats and "accidental" boob brushes and any pity fell away. I patted his shoulder and tried to smile kindly.

When I walked away-and left him standing there-I felt like the cheerleader who lied to the geek about why she didn't want to be his date to the prom. God, I was such an asshole.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

My shift dragged by at a snail's pace. Most likely because I couldn't stop thinking about the bunny-papered package and the guy who had brought it to me.

Finally, my shift relief found me. I handed over the patient charts and went through a brief but informative run down of everything that had happened. Well, minus my personal shit-storm that had brewed.

The ride home was eerily quiet. Either that or, if anyone had spoken to me, I wouldn't have noticed because I was too lost in thought. I paid the cab driver and tried to hurry out of the taxi. My rush caused me to reenact a scene from Hitch.

The edge of my doctor's coat got caught in the door. Why I hadn't taken the stupid thing off, I'll never...oh wait! It was because I had cock on the brain. As the driver pulled forward, my jacket yanked me back off the curb. My ass slammed into the pavement, and my jacket's edge tore with a loud, nasty-sounding rip.

I cried as I watched the frayed remains dance through puddles of mud, the cabbie completely unaware that he was dragging half of my first doctor's coat along. I ran the back of my hand angrily over my cheeks, smearing the tears and my make-up.

A nice passerby helped me to my feet. I thanked him and stomped up the steps to my apartment building. It was then that I decided today had been too much. Too much of everything. My getting angry over the lack-luster performance of the toy I bought, the Cowboy, the green-eyed devil, and my daydreams about the loin-cloth-clad nurse all proved to me that I really needed to get laid.

Unfortunately, tonight was not that night. I had all but thrown the damned pink bunny at the poor cashier girl. So, instead of a wonderful-hell, I'd even take a semi-wonderful-orgasm, me and a bottle of Merlot were about to get up close and personal. _Wow, I'm a fucking loser._

Halfway through the bottle, I decided that even with as bad as today was, I might as well ice the proverbial cake and open up sex shop guy's package. _Oh really, you wanna see his package? _My inner slut sang out, and I had to admit, I wouldn't mind.

I plopped onto my couch, bottle of wine in one hand-because at this point who needed a glass-and the box under my other arm. I balanced the box on my bent knee while I took a swig of the yummy red wine. Carefully, I tried to set it on the coffee table, but I almost spilled it and started to giggle-cry.

Angry and flustered, I ripped away the fucking ridiculous Easter paper. I officially declared that I hated the holiday and all fucking rabbits from that point on. Bugs, fuck you. And what the fuck was wrong with rabbits that laid multi-colored eggs?

Slowly, I lifted the lid of the box, and instantaneously knew I was losing my shit. "Seriously?" There was a thin layer of printed tissue paper. Printed on it were carrots and colored eggs. What I saw, though, were orange penises and polka dotted balls.

I didn't think I was ready to see what lay under the tissue blanket yet, and thankfully there was a distraction from looking. A small white envelope was set in the middle of it. My hands were shaking as I held it in my hand.

The flap was not sealed, and the single sided card slipped out easily. It was a plain card, solid purple. Bless baby Jesus there were no furry animals or hysteric-inducing holiday decor. Printed in immaculate lettering it read, "Edward Cullen: Sexual Health Guru"

That ass.

I flipped the card over in my hand, and on the back was another scrawled out message. "Call if you want me to show you how to use it." A number was just below it, and before I realized what my drunk, horny ass was doing...I had the phone in my hand, five out of seven numbers already dialed.

The last two digits rung out as I hit them. _Ring...ring...ri... "_Hello?"

Fuck, he had answered. What was he still doing at work. "Hello, is anyone there?" The smooth, seductive tone rang in my ear.

"Um, yeah." My voice sounded crazy and sort of quivery. "It's Bella Swan, Doctor Swan...from the hospital today." Why the fuck had I just explained it like _he_ hadn't come looking for _me_.

He laughed into the receiver ,and my ears began to hum out of sheer joy of hearing him do that. "Someone sounds like they had a rough day." I could practically hear the fucker smirking through the connection.

"Ya' think?" I smarted off at him, which only earned me another short laugh.

"Well, I see that you opened my package." Which earned him an ear full of snorting, intoxicated laughs. "Oh yeah, you've been having some fun over there."

"What do you mean..you'll show me how to use it?" I blurted, not coy and sexy at all. So not the way I should have.

Silence. The line was actually quiet. So, of course, I spoke without thinking, again. "Do you want to come over and have a glass of wine? I have this great bottle of Merlot. On second thought maybe I need to run and get some more wine before you get here." I rambled along, sloshing what was left in the bottom of the bottle.

"How about you tell me where 'here' is, and I'll bring a bottle with me?" He finally interrupted my babbling. _Thankfully, or you would have kept going and going. He would've gotten to hear all about how you were fantasy fucking him and loin cloth boy all evening._

I stumbled through, trying to give him the address and directions all at once. He said he'd see me soon and then the line went dead. I sat there on the couch with my empty bottle of wine and half-opened package with infuriating inner and outer paper until the buzzer sounded.

The sound came again in a quick succession followed by the static-roughed sex voice. "It's me, Edward."

I scrambled to get off the couch, causing the box in my lap to topple to the floor. I may or may not have fixed my hair before buzzing back, as if the man had x-ray vision and could see up this many floors.

"Come on up," was all I could manage to get out before hitting the button to give him access to the building.

A few minutes later, the knock at my door came. I hadn't moved, so all I had to do was lean forward and peer through the peep-hole. Edward's hair came into sight first. I swung the door open to see that he was still dressed in the clothes from the hospital earlier. He smiled, and his green eyes sparkled with a naughty glint. Maybe I was imagining the naughty part. Part of me hoped not.

"Well, it looks like you've had a rough night." He winked and waved his hand toward me. I looked down to see that I, too, was still wearing my same clothes. Tattered, muddy, ruined clothes, but still the same. "So, where do you want me to put it?" he asked.

My head shot up, my eyes searching his face, surely looking bewildered that he'd just come right out and said that. He noticed my crazed, rabies-having animal stare and waved the bottle of wine in my face. "Can I come in, and where do you want me to put it?" Again with the hypnotic wine bottle waving.

The sigh that came out of my mouth sounded annoyed and juvenile. Believe me it was, but it was directed at my foolish brain not the self-proclaimed sex guru in front of me. I pointed toward the kitchen and side stepped so that he could actually step past the doorway.

"So, you want to get started right away, or do you need some more wine first?" _Fuck, fuck, fuck...now I know I heard him correctly this time._ Well, fuck, fuck, fuck was what I'd been craving today.

I shrugged a silent answer, then turned toward the front door grinned and twisted both locks into place. This was going to be an interesting night.

**Dah Da Dunnnnnn. So, chickens & roosters what do you think Pinky and SexWARD are up to?**

**Leave me some love, rub your finger...err I mean hit that. **

**The review button, pervies.  
**

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Oh my, I'm super sorry for the delay y'all. Between hitting my 30th birthday and one of my minis getting sick..last weekend was hec-tic. SexShopWARD has been just standing over in Bella's place with a bottle of wine for over a week. Geez I kind of feel like a slunt...well not so much. **

**Lexiecullen17 and Snozzberryfaery were all sorts of awesome sauce and beta this fic for me, and Britpacksuccubus & amerymarie were gracious enough to pre-read. I flove these four girls.**

**SM owns Twilight, I just play with them.**

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"_So, where do you want me to put it?" he asked._

_My head shot up, my eyes searching his face, surely looking bewildered that he'd just come right out and said that. He noticed my crazed, rabies-having animal stare and waved the bottle of wine in my face."Can I come in, and where do you want me to put it?" Again with the hypnotic wine bottle waving._

_The sigh that came out of my mouth sounded annoyed and juvenile. Believe me it was, but it was directed at my foolish brain not the self-proclaimed sex guru in front of me. I pointed toward the kitchen and side stepped so that he could actually step past the doorway._

"_So, you want to get started right away, or do you need some more wine first?" Fuck, fuck, fuck...now I know I heard him correctly this time. Well, fuck, fuck, fuck was what I'd been craving today._

_I shrugged a silent answer, then turned toward the front door grinned and twisted both locks into place. This was going to be an interesting night._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Ummm, so yeah," I spoke to the floor as he passed by me, and I paused to smell him. Then, I remembered the state of my clothes and the fact that I had fallen to the ground in a puddle of muck. "You can set the wine in the chiller on the counter. I'm going to change."

"Into something more comfortable?" I could hear the cocky smirk in the way he posed the cliched question.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I huffed under my breath. As I turned toward my bedroom door, I swore I heard him say just how much he did.

With the door shut behind me, a solid barrier in place, I started to freak out just a bit.

_Oh, do you mean standing with your back to the door and your eyes darting all over your room like you're a fiend?_ Why yes, yes that's exactly what I mean, you cunt. _Ugh, who knew we had such a dirty little mouth? I bet the guru, in the living room, would love to see it in action._

"Cunt." I spoke to the empty room and instantly caught a vision of my crazy card getting stamped.

I shook my hair loose after removing a bobby pin or two and then scrounged around for my Victoria's Secret sweats. _What, no Fredrick's of Hollywood attire to break out for your induction into the sex toy club?_

Even if I had planned on becoming a card carrying member, FoH was way out of my comfort zone. Rabbits and lube today, crotchless panties and sex swings tomorrow...yeah, that _so_ wasn't happening. Anyway, my Pink sweat pants and tee were fitted and very cute.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and shuddered. How could I have not noticed the mud caked on my face and clothes? The urge to shower warred with the fact that I had basically a stranger in my house, and I was already naked enough without having to get wet and soapy.

Hurriedly, I scrubbed clean my face and pulled my hair into a low ponytail. Cracking open the door, I couldn't hear any noise coming from the other part of my apartment. As quietly as I could, I stepped down the hallway and spotted the reason for the quiet-the fucking upturned, rabbit decorated box.

From where I stood, I could even see a hint of the multi-colored balls and bright orange penises. Edward was standing next to the couch, just staring down at the mess. He must think I was either a slob or an ungrateful bitch.

He turned and saw me watching him, but instead of the angry, upset look I'd expected, he was smirking at me. The right side of his mouth was twitching, and his eyes looked like they hid a secret. Damned sparkling mischievous emeralds.

"So, you liked it that much." He pointed down at the heap of bright colors. "You just threw all the wrapping on the floor. It's very kid on Christmas morning of you."

I could feel the heat rising up my neck, the mixture of anger and embarrassment rearing its ugly head. Words were trying to fight their way through my teeth. I had the whole response sorted out, but when I opened my mouth, a bubbling geyser erupted.

"See, I saw the paper and freaked a bit then I tore that away only to see orange penises holding hands with nauseating rainbow testicles. I read the card and was so drunk I acted on impulse and called. I never thought you'd actually come...I mean not come, but you know, show up over here."

Instead of even replying, I heard him start to laugh, the word "Awk-wa-ard" sounding out through the giggles.

"Jesus, and now I'm going to need therapy. I'll hate Easter forever and...and yeah, it's awkward that I just told you all of that. Especially because I had a very snarky response planned out."

_Could you please just shut up?_ I'm trying, I swear.

Edward sat on my couch, his feet straddling the half-opened gift, and patted the couch cushion next to him. "Come tell daddy everything, child." My head cocked to the side, and I was sure I was glaring at him. "Oh, did you want to sit on my lap to have 'the talk?'"

"Ugh, you're incorrigible," I stated before taking a seat next to the cushion he had patted. Then, I watched as he poured me a much _unneeded_ glass of wine. Edward smiled, and it seemed very sincere...well, that was until he opened his mouth to speak.

"So, spill on why you're so _frustrated_ and why you keep asking me to fuck while we're in public. _Tsk, tsk."_

**EPOV**

The woman in front of me looked very much a terrified girl after I jokingly asked her to tell me her sexual secrets. There were still clumps of mud matted in her hair, and her cuticles and nails were stained the mucky brown as well.

Still, her feisty anger and nervous ramblings were endearing to me. _Endearing? Really, endearing?_ Okay, shove it, yes she was still entirely fuckable but endearing was not a bad thing to be. And looking at her dirty girl appearance only made my talkative penis show me images of nailing her in the rain. _More like after she fought in a mud wrestling contest-I bet she's a scratcher._

A shiver ran down my spine as I pictured her nails along my back, and I heard her set her glass on the table. She had her back turned to the arm of the couch, her legs pulled up under her, and a fringed pillow in her lap.

I wish I knew her better, and by better I meant in a more sexual nature. All I wanted to do was turn her over the arm of the couch and fuck her into a blissful daze. But, as soon as I caught a glimpse of her face, the thought fluttered away. Something inside me felt uneasy. I was sure it was my rambling dick, but I wanted to hug her and reassure her that her venom-spitting tendencies were attractive to me, and she could spit whatever words she wanted in my face.

"You wanted to know why I'm so frustrated?" she asked. "Yesterday when I came into your shop, I was embarrassed that I was there. I should be able to find a guy, but no, I had to stoop to buying a _toy_." She said the last word in the same venom-laced voice she'd used at my shop.

"Lots of women buy them. It's nothing to feel ashamed about," I tried to interject but got a sad smile and a palm forward, halting my words.

"But, I bet lots of women buy them for extra pleasure and are more than capable of having a guy between their thighs if they so wanted."

_Jesus, fuck, she just talked about being between her..._Yeah, I heard her too.

I tried to cover my now protruding erection by changing positions to match hers. A excited chuckle escaped my lips. "Bella, you could have a guy betwe...well, anywhere you wanted him."

"You sure about that?" She smirked. "Every time I've tried to have a relationship, or just a plain old fuck for that matter, it's been almost bad enough to need a therapist."

I leaned over and refilled both of our glasses of wine, handed hers first, and then settled back into the cushion. "You're probably over exaggerating, right?"

"I tell you a few, and then you tell me, oh sex guru." I watched her swirl her wine in her glass before taking a deep drink from it. "The first time I'd ever been intimate with a guy was my senior year in high school."

I cocked an eyebrow at her revelation. "Don't look at me like that. I was focused and driven," she said sternly and then rolled her eyes at me before she continued. My naughty cock spoke up then._ Wonder what she looks like naked with her eyes rolled in the back of her head?_

"Anyways, I'd gotten my acceptance letter in the mail for the university I'd been dreaming of going to since I was in grade school. I wanted to celebrate and figured why not have some 'supposedly' great sex with the guy I'd been dating since sophomore year."

"Hold on, you dated a guy in high school for two years and never gave hm any? What, was he captain of the debate team and you just presented a good argument for waiting?"

"Ha-ha. No, actually, he was captain of the football team, and we'd been friends our whole lives. His mom lived a few doors down from us, and he knew how important school was to me."

"Oooookkkaayyy. I'll let you believe that. So, what happened with dream doll Ken?"

"James," she corrected me. "Anyway, my parents were out for some police department function, and I had the house to myself. And before you make a joke, my dad's the police chief back home."

_Shit man, I've heard cop's daughters are as freaky as preacher's girls._ Give it a rest, does she really look like she has some secret identity? Like she'll rip open her shirt and be dressed in some sort of S&M superhero outfit? _Noooo, smart ass, but now that you mention it, we'll have to save that image for the spank bank. _I swear, the mushroom monster skipped off into my frontal lobe chanting, '_whips and belts and cuffs. oh my'._

When she was satisfied I wasn't about to make a handcuff joke, she took another drink. It was a trend I was noticing, drink and divulge...drink and divulge. "So, we had gone to see a movie, and when he took me home I asked him in."

"How slutty of you, Bella." I teased and refilled her empty glass again.

"Shut up. Anyway, we were kissing and what not, and he was _ready,_ you know? I guess I wasn't as good to go as him, because when he tried, it hurt. He just told me it was normal and kept going. Finally, I had to tell him to stop because it didn't stop hurting. The pain just got worse."

Fuck, I hadn't expected to hear her say that. I mean, I knew that when a girl lost her virginity it hurt, but this asshole James hadn't even taken the time to prep her for it. Fucking high school boys and their lack of foreplay knowledge.

"So, he stopped, but he looked really upset. I told him I was sorry, but it didn't feel good. He told me I could make it up to him and _finish _him off. We broke up that night, and thrn he told the whole school he'd taken my virginity. That I was awful."

"Damn it, Bella, even though it happened a long time ago, I still kind of want to punch him in the face for you," I admitted without realizing that I sounded too much like a boyfriend.

"Oh, no worries, Edward, my cousin punched him in the balls in the middle of the lunch room the next week-after all the rumors were all over the school."

"Good for him. Way to protect his family."

"Her, Edward. Siobhan is a she and has a flair for the dramatic." We both burst into guffaws, thinking about some guy getting junk punched by a furious girl.

"Alright, Dr. Swan, I'll admit that is a frustrating first experience, but it had to get better, right? What was your best go at it?"

I knew then and there, she was drunk. How did I know? She actually answered my nosy dive into her history.

My ears perked the moment she cleared her throat. "Freshman year, I went to a house party and got very very drunk. My morals went out the window, and after I grinded all over some guy dancing, we found an empty room."

"Hate to jump in, again, but what exactly had you been drinking...you know just so I have the full story. Let's call it, in depth research."

"To answer that I'll have to tell you my college mantra: Jack knocks me on my ass, Jim Beam makes me mean, Cuervo is a no go, and Schnapps, well, Schnapps gets me hot."

I may have done a double take and wine almost came out of my nose. Instantly, my penis and I agreed to keep a bottle of Schnapps in the trunk of the car, the office, and a bar full at the house.

"Peach," Bella giggled out. "For the sake of research, of course."

_Of course._

In horrific fascination, I listened as Bella recounted how loose the booze had gotten her. How in fact started to enjoy the sex she was having with this guy, Riley, and just as she was really getting worked up...disaster struck.

Our precious Riley pulled out and exclaimed that he wanted to cum on her stomach. What happened instead was that he ended up jizzing in her eye. She started yelling about how it was stinging and at him to help her. That ass handed over her own shirt.

After trying to wipe away the acid searing her cornea, she made her way, naked, to the bathroom to wash her face. Once the stinging had subsided and cold water was everywhere, she reached down to grab the clothes she'd dropped at the door. It was then that she finally noticed the girl sitting on the toilet of the shared bathroom.

This...this was her _best_ experience? I asked her as much, and she told me it got better.

"I avoided him when I saw him on campus. My eye was red and swollen for a few days after, though," she admitted. Her eyes darted down to her glass, and I saw her cheeks flush. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or the story she was sharing. "Anyway, he called out to me one day when I was trying to go unnoticed and get past his group."

I took a drink of my Merlot to try and stop myself from gaping at her. She was so beautiful and intelligent. How had she not been sexually revered and worshiped?

"I said hello to him while trying to stop and speak, but he grabbed my elbow and was all, 'Bella, I had fun the other night, we should go out again.' I got angry and turned to face him, my angry red eye glaring. I said something like, 'Riley, look what you did to my eye.'"

"Right, right, so what happened then?" _Oh my God, take my testicles. I'm turning into a gossiping girl at a slumber party._

"He looked really confused and kind of upset. Then he asked me who Riley was and how could I not remember him after the awesome sex we'd had. His name was Garrett, and I learned later that his friends called him a 'pussy nomad.' He never stayed in one place long enough to remember the details."

"Fuck, Bella."

"That's what I've been trying to do, Ed-ward," she replied drunkenly.

I ignored her snarky reply, only because I was close to offering to do just that to her. Instead, I asked if that was really the best sex she'd had.

"It's kind of a tie with the next time I tried to have sex. There was guy in a couple of my pre-med classes, Eric Yorkie. We dated for almost two months before I decided that maybe I wasn't cursed and could try again."

"You were wrong?" I asked, but I knew. Her face scrunched up like her wine had soured.

"I was wrong."

"Do I want to know?"

"Hey, you asked, and if you're going to help me...you may as well know." She gestured to the box at my feet and the card on the table. "It started when Eric had been grinding against me and kissing my neck and breasts. I thought, wow this guy is great. He was all about the foreplay and making sure I was just as aroused as him."

Bella did the most unattractive, sexy in it's oddity, thing. She snorted. "Yeah, that was a mistake. He rolled off me, a panting, sweating mess, all the while praising how awesome that was and asking me how great it was for me. I asked if he was seriously asking me that, and I turned on my side and saw how for real he was."

"No way. This is just too much," I said under my breath, guessing at what she was about to say.

"Yup, in all that time, we had never even passed kissing. I had no idea how small he was until I saw him take off what looked like a thumb condom. I never even knew we'd been having sex, so I guess that one would win as the best go at it."

Out of all that, the only thing my mind came up with was, "A thumb condom?"

Bella started laughing so hard that she had to pull her knees up the her chest. My cock took notice of the fact that her splayed feet made the perfect frame for the curve of her ass and a clear shot of sweat suit covered pussy.

"You know, like at the post office or in a mail room. They're those little latex fingertip coverings you use to separate mail, money, or whatever. They come in different colors and look just like tiny condoms."

"Maybe Eric had a connection at a bank or the student mail center." I spoke thoughtlessly, not even considering that this might be a sore subject for her. But Bella surprised me by returning to the loud laughing from before.

I grabbed her glass of wine, so she didn't spill it and set it on the coffee table. As I sat back, I felt Bella nudge my shoulders into the cushion, then she swung a long leg across my lap and straddled me. Shit, shit, shit this was what I had wanted since I watched her stumble into me in front of the coffee shop, but after hearing what she'd gone through, I just couldn't. Not while she was drunk and emotional from reliving her sorry, selfish sex partners. Thank god she wasn't pressed down on my crotch. I didn't think my resolve would have gone that far. I wanted her too badly.

My mind was trying to come up with a distraction for her when my foot nudged the box and the tissue paper crinkled. A question burst out of my mouth.

"So, which of those reminded you most of your rabbit? I remember you saying that you it brought back because of too may memories." I saw the change in her face come on fast; she went from sloppy seductress to searching for the right answer.

"None of those." She shook her head as she spoke. Her speech was more slurred than it had been on the phone. "I'd have to go with Junior for eight hundred, Alex."

Oh yeah, she was toasted. She giggled at her own joke before telling me one more story. We'd been three up to bat and three strikes. I had a feeling this guy was going to be no swinger.

"Junior was a touch excited. Like my rabbit, he got me all worked up and seriously horny, and just when I went for it, it died."

"His dick?"

"No, the rabbit, silly man." She fake slapped my chest and left her hand there. The heat from her palm made my heart start to race. "Well, I take that back, his dick kind of died, too. He was too excited to get it in the hole," she giggled. "So I decided to help him out. I wrapped my hand around his not Eric sized cock, and as soon as I did, he came all over my thighs."

The concert of her saying cock and coming on her thighs made beautiful, enrapturing music that forced me to stand up quickly. I didn't want to stab said thighs. Half way standing, I realized that she would fall on her ass, so I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and then gently sat her on her feet.

Using her distraction to gain balance, I picked up the box.

BPOV

I grabbed hold of a very defined shoulder as Edward bent over in front of me. My hormones took over, and I thought of how his face was just at the right height.

He sat back down, and I took a timid, unsteady step toward him. What he held in his hands stopped me cold. The box, open...with no tissue paper blanket.

I could hear the angels singing, "ahhh, ahhh, ahhh" in the background, and I swore a golden light emanated from the box.

Nestled inside was not the pink bunny I'd returned. Thrown. Whatever. There was a long purple rabbit inside. The same metallic beads ran along the shaft, but there seemed to be more of it. Not the beads, but the shaft.

My brain decided that the golden glow came from the shiny flecks embedded in the jelly material. The base was a lighter purple and had more buttons than Bugs had. Laying next to it was a his and her's warming oil. I saw there were little chocolates dancing on the "hers" and strawberries on the "his".

What I saw next made the angels sound their trumpets. Black silky ties, a blindfold, a wooden three prong massager-as per what Edward named it-and finally, a book. The corners peered out from under the crumpled black silk. I reached to pull it from the box and got a jolt of electricity up my arm.

Edward's hand was covering mine, stopping me dead in my tracks. He pulled out the book and turned it so that I could read the title. _Fuck me. _Yes really, please...fuck me.

The Kama Sutra.

Edward's deep sexy voice sliced through the quiet. "There are seven chapters, all based on different aspects of sensuality. If you're still interested, and when you're sober-or less drunk, I can show you how to use your new friend. Edward pointed to the box in his lap, but my hoo-hah screamed out that he was really pointing at his dick.

And to a true testament of how sick my inner perv was, Mr. Rogers popped into my head, and in a sing song voice said. _It's such a good feeling ...A very good feeling...The feeling you know that we're friends. _

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Dun dun dunnnnnn. Edward's talking peen and Bella's inner perv are so on the same page, it's ridiculous. **

**Tell me how you're feeling about the new gift.  
**


	5. Chapter 5 Covert Operations

**A/N: I just wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone that has been reading and reviewing and those that put this crazy little story on alert. I really do appreciate all the virtual lovings. **

**Big hugs to both lexiecullen17 and snozzberryfeary for beta'ing this and making sure it doesn't read all jacked up.**

**I'm on twitter if you'd like to follow, same name as my author name. **

**We all know that SM owns the twi side, I just borrow her toys. **

My mind was awake well before my eyes decided that they were going to open. My head felt heavy and weighted down. I tried to lift an eyelid, only to feel like it was glued shut. Finally, I was able to blink open my swollen peepers.

The room was extraordinarily bright, like someone had turned on every light and somehow managed to also get the sun blazing directly at my face. I was about to say something to no one in general, when I noticed the thickness of my tongue. The tip was pushed against the back of my teeth, dry and sandy feeling, while my tongue and the back of my throat had a thick slimy coating.

_Fuuuck, I have a hangover._

"What did I drink last night? It feels like I swallowed some jello shots." I said aloud to myself.

"The better question is, what didn't you swallow last night, Bella?"

The voice that answered back was unexpected and caused me to jump in my own skin and fall out of my bed. In a heap of covers on the floor, I looked toward the corner of my room. Edward sat smiling genuinely at me, a wicked glint flashing in his eye, just before he winked conspiratorially at me.

_Oh god, I didn't...did I?_ Flashes of the night before came into my mind. I remembered telling him about a few of my past 'adventures' and then jumping into his lap. There was something about bunnies, massage oils and bondage in the back of my head, but it was like looking at an old distorted picture.

I could guess all I wanted. Suddenly, a different memory came to mind. Me trying to be coy and sexy and telling some guy I wanted to go down on him. I remembered that as clear as day...Nick. He tried to _guide _me and ended up shoving my head down on his dick. I choked and gagged, then vomited all over his testicles.

"Oh God," I whispered. What had Edward meant...what hadn't I swallowed? "Did I puke on you?" I asked in a horrified tone. He smiled and then began to laugh. "What are you doing here anyway? Don't guys like you run afterwards?" Anger and embarrassment rolled through my liquor abused body.

"Afterwards?" His face sobered up, and then he smirked. "Bella, I just gave you your gift and listened to you while you downed a second bottle of wine. I'm not that type of guy. Well, I am...but not with you."

I winced; it sounded like he was disgusted with the thought of fucking me. "Oh," was all I could manage out. Words from last night filtered into my mind. I'd told him about the worst and semi-good sexual experiences of my life...and I'd turned him off of me completely.

EPOV

I watched as vibrant red crept up and blossomed over Bella's cheeks. Somewhere inside of me, a tugging sensation told me I had said the wrong thing. Before I could even open open my mouth and try to make her understand what I had meant, she spoke up.

"Oh." With that one simple word, I knew either she misunderstood what I was saying or she remembered everything she'd said to me during last night's wine 'tasting'.

Again, I felt like I should say something, but instead, I ogled her as she got up from the tangle of blankets. Her hair still had some mud in it and was wild from sleep. Her face was flushed, and her outfit caressed her form in every place that I wanted to touch.

"Edward." She toyed with the edge of her shirt and found a place on the wall next to me to stare at. _Fuck me, she's sexy in the morning. _At that moment, there was nothing I wanted more than to wake up next to her and realize that my hands had tangled her locks and my kisses and touches had left her flushed. I was too busy imagining fucking her to hear her speak.

"EDWARD!" She raised her voice, and her eyes finally fell on me. Blazing, angry eyes...but still. She visibly blew out a breath, and the glare softened, then returned to the empty wall. "I have to get ready. I had a, um, _nice_ time last night."

She was telling me to leave. My stomach clenched, and then my testicles spoke up. _Now you've ruined our chance to fuck her senseless. Why are you acting upset? That was always the plan._ Why was I somehow bothered by her asking me to leave? She was being polite about it, and maybe she'd call later.

"Can I call you later?" My balls stole my voice and spoke for me.

Her gaze flicked to me and away again. The brief glimpse I'd gotten of her face looked like she was surprised. But when Bella spoke her voice seemed shy and meek...alien.

"Sure, you can call me if you want." Bella had stepped towards the front door, lingering there, subtly telling me it was time to go. _Maybe she has a long shift at the hospital today?_ It was the only comforting thought that I could grasp onto as I left the building.

My insides felt uneasy at the thought that she had just kicked me out permanently, and I couldn't understand why. This woman intrigued me and had me wanting to run my tongue over every inch of her body, but as my nuts reminded me...this was supposed to be about a hook up. I shook away the nagging feeling and went back to plotting on just how I could get between Dr. Swan's thighs.

BPOV

Helplessly, I watched Edward close the door quietly behind him. The moment I couldn't hear his footsteps in the hallway outside my door, I crumpled down onto myself. Embarrassment flooded my system as I mentally slapped myself on the forehead.

Quickly, I pulled myself up, the sudden straightening of my back reminding my stomach that it was queasy. I wound my arms around my middle and sluggishly made my way to my phone. It was still on the couch-where I left it when I had drunk dialed Edward for a 'session.'

I yanked it from the cushion before sinking down into the seat. Of course, Alice answered when I called the nurse's counter. As soon as I said, "Hello," she was all over me.

"What was in the box? I mean I'm sure coming from _him_ it was good, but how good was it?" Alice happily prattled on. I had the feeling she was talking more to herself than me.

"Nurse Alice," I interrupted by calling her the equivalent of a first and middle name. When the her last word came out in an even hiss, I knew I had her attention. "I need someone to cover my rounds today."

The evil battery-operated woman began giggling through the line. "Ooohhh, so it was _good_ good. Got it, and I got you covered. Newton and Crowley have both been sniffing around."

Double images of scrawny bloodhounds burst through my brain-Alice and me being the raccoons or squirrels they were chasing up a tree. The thought was bordering on Elmer Fudd territory, and it made me giggle too.

"Oh really, what are they nosing around about?"

I could practically hear the Grinch smirk form on Alice petite lips. "Someone may have told them about a sexy mysterious man dropping presents off for you. That, in turn, led to the game of twenty questions where Edward doesn't exactly seem to fit in as vegetable or mineral."

"Alice! Get to the point woman."

"Oh well, they're looking for a way to get on your good side and have both offered up incentive to get there," Alice announced happily.

Did I really want either of those guys doing me a favor? Not really, but hey, I figured they owed me for all the free boob and ass grabs. "Knowing those two, I don't want to know." I told her. "And Alice? Thanks."

After saying my goodbye, I tossed the phone on the coffee table and hugged my knees close to me. _Yup, go ahead and do it, Bella._ I don't know what you're talking about. _Swan, pity party, table of one._

I smacked my hands down on the cushion next to my feet and decided that was one party I was not going to attend. Stomping through the apartment had never felt better. Well, until the downstairs neighbor started pounding on their ceiling to tell me to quiet down.

_Damn, Mrs. Lieberman, I will shank you._ Oh my god, being sexless and humiliated had improved my temperament so much. _Haha, yeah you've just been nominated for the cunt of the year award._

I slapped my hands over my face and sighed at my internal critic. Shower...I needed a shower. Looking into the bathroom mirror only reaffirmed that thought. Jeebus, no wonder Edward didn't want to fuck me. I had mud stuck in all the wrong places, like...on my face.

My clothes were thrown across the room, and I stepped under the warm spray of the shower. The water felt like tiny pebbles bouncing off my skull. Oh the lovely after effects of alcohol. In trying to shield my head, my body turned, giving my back the full shiatsu treatment.

Funny thing about warm showers, the steam tends to clear your mind. As the tension faded from my back, snippets of last night came into focus. I had divulged way too much about my lackluster sexual prowess and tried to give a freebie champagne room lap dance to Edward.

He'd expertly diverted my attention to his gift and then very gentleman-like told me when I was sober he'd be more than happy to help me test drive the rabbit. Crap, when he had said he was 'that guy' just not with me, was that what he'd meant?

"Fuck, Bella, you may have just fucked yourself," I spoke to the tile on the wall. "Or made that the only option after kicking out the Sex Guru."

Crap, how was I going to fix this? Edward had not only _not_ taken advantage of me, he'd stayed on my couch all night after I stumbled my way through the living room. I filled my palm full of shampoo and ran my fingers through the matted tangles on my head.

My breath stopped, and I hissed in pain. There was a huge welt on the back of my skull. It totally made sense now that I focused on that pain. Yeah, I stumbled out of the living room and face planted in the hallway.

Edward had made some comment about him not being there to catch my face with his crotch this time. I had mumbled something obscene about coffee cake. That was when the bright idea came to me. Well two ideas.

First, I could go to the coffee house and see if Edward looked mad at work. Second: I was pretty sure that the new "Bugs" that Edward had got me said "waterproof" on the front. _Hmmm, definite potential for a second shower if the whole stalking bit fails._

A quick 'get dressed' moment and I was out the door and on my covert operation. Thankfully, there was a man exiting a cab outside of my building. Not so thankfully, it was the same cab driver from the other day. I gave him the same street name.

Hand to God, I swear I saw his eyes light up. _Maybe he was going to start asking about lube. _I shook the thought from my head but not before defensively stating, "They have the best coffee in the city."

The burly man shrugged and turned his attention to the road. Completely paranoid, I spent the entire ride watching his facial expressions in the rear view mirror. _Way to start the creepy stalker act early._ My internal voice had a point, and my gaze fell to my lap as he pulled to the curb.

Looking out the window, I noticed it was the same spot I'd screamed for him to stop the other day. He remembered me for sure...no paranoia about it. As confirmation, I saw him turn his whole torso around and watch me anxiously.

"What? They have great coffee, too?" I sputtered aimlessly.

"Just watching to see how fast you jump out this time," a heavy accented voice replied cheekily.

I huffed, annoyed, and slowly stepped out of the cab. No vagina vinyl searing taking place today. After being reminded of my rush the other day, I also remembered my haphazard trek across the street.

Instantly, I figured I should cross here at the corner. Falling on your face in the street and getting hit by a non-entertained cabbie was definitely not too stealth.

I was about as covert as a crackhead looking for a fix. Standing at the edge of the crosswalk, waiting for the "Don't Walk" light to change. I was twitchy and kept glancing over my shoulder at the Pleasure Chest.

The guy next to me was blatantly and open-mouth staring at my odd behavior. I shot him a glare, and he took a very large step back from me. Oh yeah, I'd just been elevated to crazy street lady status.

Part of me was glad he was giving me a wide berth. Where he stood now blocked anyone's view of me from the store I was eyeing. The other part of me prayed that he never made his way to any floor I worked on at the hospital.

I made a break for it as soon as the lit up stick figure showed on the sign, and blessed be, I didn't falter or trip in my mad dash.

My insta-bestie was the barista again, and she greeted me loudly as soon as I approached the counter.

"Chai Latte, right?" I nodded, and she added, "A slice of coffee cake with that?" Another nod earned me a bright smile from the girl, Angela.

I had a silent debate with myself whether she was a cheerleader or the pep squad type. I mean, she was still teenage looking but at least this time in the shop was during standard school hours. So, I guessed she was a former pep squad girl; she was much too nice to be a former cheerleader.

Well by _Bring It On_ standards at least.

"Thanks." I finally found the manners I owned and spoke up. "It's been a rough morning," I offered as an explanation for my previously vacationing politeness, and then to show they were nicely rested and evenly tanned, I tacked on a, "My name's Bella, by the way."

Angela shook my outstretched hand and gave me that awkward, 'I stepped over the too friendly line' look. As soon as I felt my face turn hot and red her look changed to a more friendly smile. Socially awkward must have been spelled out in the blotches on my cheeks.

I grabbed my plate and cup off the counter top and found an empty seat in the corner by the large paned window. Evidently, weekdays, mid morning, were not as bustling as lazy Sunday brunch hours.

After about half the cake and a few sips of my latte, it was undoubtedly decided that this had been a bad idea. Staring out the window got me zilch on Edward watching. In my hasty planning, I'd totally forgotten the reflective glass windows. _Oh yeah, this girl right here? She's a genius._

I took a large drink and pulled out my cell phone. Ignoring the three missed calls alert on the screen, I hit the contacts button. _Yup, we're that desperate to save his number in our phone._ My thumb ran over his name, and then I simply stared at the screen.

"Fuck me," I muttered, "Maybe I should just call him." My voice sounded pathetic, and since I really didn't like babbling out loud to myself, I shoved a large chunk of coffee cake in my mouth.

"Yes, please," a very panty dampening voice piped in. "And yes, you should, " it added snarkily.

_Fuck, why does he always hear that?_

I started coughing on the food halfway down my throat and ended up spraying little cinnamon swirled chunks all over the table and floor.

"Well, on second thought, maybe you should finish eating before you call. You know, talking with your mouth full and all." He was laughing, and in a high pitched, sing song voice, tacked on, "DAN-GER-OUS."

Quickly, I cleared my throat and turned to see that even if Edward was making fun, he was still a safe distance away. And when my gaze settled on his face, I saw a weariness that was not him.

"I was-" we both spoke out at the same time. I smiled and waved him over to the table. He came closer but still didn't sit down.

"I was debating coming over to talk to you when I heard you talking...to yourself." He shrugged and cast his eyes away from my face. Man, I'd really screwed up this morning by kicking him out.

Edward seemed nervous and overly cautious. I was so close to apologizing when his face morphed into that perfect 'combustible panty' smirk.

"So..." He drew the word out, and I knew I'd been caught. "what exactly brings you over here?"

I smiled lazily, but inside my head was doing that Exorcist spinning thing. In a flash of brilliance it came to me, the same excuse I'd been using all morning.

Pointing to the window behind my head, I spoke up. "Best coffee cake." Edward looked like he almost laughed at me. "What? The sign speaks the truth, buddy."

"Oh, Bella." He sighed, and with his smile still firmly in place lifted his right eyebrow a la The Rock or Jack Nicholson. "You can't handle the truth."

That was all it took. I burst into giggles . "Alright, Colonel. What would that truth be?"

His face sobered up immediately and very seriously he stated, "That you're stalking me for my sexual prowess, and I could get a restraining order, but I'd much prefer to be caught in this game of chase."

The laughter dried upm and a sensual haze over fell me. "Bella?" The vibrant green eyes had darkened; I noticed when I looked to him. He took the seat across from me with a graceful fluidity that was entrancing.

"Mmhm, Edward."

"Would you like to go get a drink with me?"

"Ugh, no more drinks for me today," I blurted, completely losing the steady penetrating eye contact we'd had. _Are his eyes all you want penetrating you?_ I outwardly giggled at my internal commentary.

Edward laughed, too, unaware we were laughing at different things. "We could do something more PG, like a movie. Or if we did go to the bar, I can make you a virgin."

I began choking on my giggles, and only then did Edward really notice what he'd just said. Feeling emboldened by our easy banter, I stood and stared down at him with my best 'fuck me' gaze.

"Isn't that the point, my sex guru?" I put my index finger to his shoulder, leaned close to his ear, and whispered. "Tag, you're it." Then, I turned and sauntered out of the place, hoping with all the wetness on my thighs that he would follow.

_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

I had flagged a cab and was delighted when I saw Edward walk up behind me and open the back door for me. A silence fell over us both as we rode toward my apartment.

Edward paid for the cab and slid out of the car, only to offer me his hand so that I could step out. Once, my palm fell into his, I felt that oh so sought after spark that people mention. All at once, I felt flushed and over heated.

He slowly wrapped his fingers around my hand and eased me up and out of the car. And Edward didn't let go once I was upright.

"So, do you wanna watch some TV...just hang out?" Edward inquired, not looking at me as we made our way to my apartment. Oddly, it felt like we were comfortable with one another, like I had known him for a lifetime already.

_That's what happens when you spill all your disastrous sexcapades._

"Sure." I smiled and then thought about which shows I needed to catch up on. "Oh, oh, do you like True Blood? I've been working so much that I haven't been able to watch, and I DVR'd the whole season."

"That guy that plays Eric Northman bothers me," he said but then smiled widely, his face finally turning to me. "But Sookie more than makes up for it."

"Oh my god, you're a fan?" I couldn't believe it, and his response was priceless. I had just opened the door to my apartment.

"Sookie is mine," he drawled out in a very accurate Bill Compton impersonation, and then chased me into the living room.

I grabbed a bag of chips and poured some salsa into a bowl to take to the couch. Edward kept surprising me, following me into the kitchen and helping grab some drinks and paper towels. We settled in on the large couch-close, but not quite touching.

With remote in hand, I started the first episode of the new season. The more I watched, the more breasts and naked asses I saw.

"Wow, this season is already much more sexual than the last." I said, astounded, my eyes glued to the television.

By the middle of the third episode, I was squeezing my thighs together tightly, and somehow Edward and I had inched together. The snacks and drinks sat untouched on the table.

In the moment I had looked at Edward and the ignored munchies, things had progressed on the show. I looked up just as Eric Northman had some girl chained up in his basement and was rapidly pounding himself into her strung up body.

"They make these vampires look like they're fucking like rabbits." The innocent observation earned a hiss from the sexy man next to me. "What? What is it?"

"They don't really fuck like rabbits, Bella." His eyes were heavily lidded, and the green was almost a coal color. "But I know what does."

With his last comment, I saw him reach behind me. I stopped breathing the instant I felt his forearm brush across my shoulder. In a moment, the connection was gone, and I realized that I'd closed my eyes. Opening them gave me a surprise.

Edward had reached back into the box and grabbed my present. _Oh yeah, he knows what fucks like a rabbit...a Rabbit!_

_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

**A/N: I know you're all calling me a cock blocking bitch right now, lol. I'm sorry but I had to break it here so that I could perfect their first smexin scene together for y'all. I hope you still love me enough to leave me some love. :)**

**rabbit tickles to you all MWAH  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I promise not to make this long, since I haven't updated lately. I want to thank lexiecullen17 and snozzberryfaery for being my betafish. And thanks to twighlit and britpacksuccubus for pre-reading.**

**RL has been fast paced and full of sick people, lol, this is my only excuse for the delay in updating. You have my apologies and thanks for sticking with me.  
**

**SM owns Twi.**

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

**BPOV**

My hands ventured out and weaved through his hair. His lips were flush with mine as he guided me backwards into my room. Any residual embarrassment or anger from that morning was fading quickly with every touch of his mouth on my skin.

His fingers were pressed firmly into the small of my back. I knew it had been too long since a man had really touched me; I was moaning into his mouth as he kissed me.

"Edwaaard," I moaned out loudly and only had a brief flash of embarrassment. My calves hit the bed, and reluctantly, I let go of his hair. With my hands free, I eased back on the bed and reclined, propping myself up on my elbows.

Quicker than I thought he could move, Edward was on his knees between my parted thighs..

"We're jumping ahead a little bit, Bella," he sounded out, his voice muffled as he pressed opened mouthed kisses through my jean covered leg. "Are you sure you're ready?"

Instead of answering him, I ran my nails over his scalp, down his neck and just past his shoulders. The change in my position left his face pressed into my stomach, his hands curled around my hips. I could feel the erratic pace of his heavy breathing through the thin fabric of my shirt.

His weight shifted off his knees for just a moment before he pressed his face into the curve of my neck. I felt his tongue as it met the skin at the hollow of my throat, and a slow tingling spread down my chest with each seductive pass.

The moment I stopped breathing and felt a shiver run down my spine, he spoke.

"Lie back, Bella." The deep sensuality of his tone was not lost on me. _Or my vagina._ "Let me take care of you."

Without a second thought, my body reclined, my eyes darting across the ceiling. _Jesus, I may as well be a seventeen year old girl on prom night. _I felt him positioning himself between my legs before I saw any part of him.

My hands were fidgety and tired of being idle, evidently, because they went straight from being limp at my sides to trying to undo the button on my jeans.

Edward's hands clasped over mine, stopping me with the button poking halfway through the stitched hole. My insides flooded with endorphins at the thought of him taking complete charge over my body.

Sadly, that thought deflated faster than a balloon in a push-pin factory.

"Just relax, Bella." His words ghosted over my stomach as his hands moved my own back to the bedspread.

I was so close to sitting up and asking what the fuck was wrong with him that he didn't want my pants off, when I heard something that instantly made me wet and my body tighten up.

The steady and slow whirring of the Rabbit sounded like heavy bass on an amped up radio. Deafening.

"Fuck me," I whispered to myself in anticipation, sure the epic buzzing had drowned out my words.

"Not quite yet," Edward responded. My head shot off the mattress enough to see a grinning Sex Guru with very hooded eyes staring back. I watched as he ran his fingers over the top of my thigh and noticed that under his gaze all the noise fell away.

His other hand moved while I was entranced, the long graceful digits tracing circles just below the rise of my hip bone. There was a sudden pressure right where my clit was hidden under the seam of my jeans.

Tearing my eyes away from the dancing fingertips, I saw just what he was doing. Slick bastard he was. Poking its head out, literally, from between my legs was my brand-spanking-new see through shiny purple toy.

_Hey there, friend, nice to finally meet you. _Great my vagina was doing introductions now.

Edward bent, and I saw his tongue poke out of his mouth at the same time that the slow whirring was back and sending vibrations through my hoo-hah.

_Sweet jesus in heaven_, I thought - and may have even uttered into the darkness. My eyes shut, and my head slammed back into the bed. The dual combination of his mouth on my exposed flesh just above the waistband and the slight hum just below had me fisting the comforter tightly already.

My back began to arch off the bed as my hips ground down into it. The caress of his fingers stopped and gripped my hip into place. Locked down into position, I could feel Edward's teeth scratch over my abs, and the buzzing increased just a bit.

It wasn't an overwhelming change, but it was enough to have me cursing and praising God all in one breath. The heaviness of Edward's hand at my hip was glorious. His mouth and tongue circling my belly button was divine. And the pressure blooming from my clit and tunnelling into my stomach was delicious.

My neck was so bent that it felt like the back of my head was pressing into my shoulder blades. My hair was mussed and draped across my face. The way my hands were pulling at the bedspread made me feel like I was on the highest roller coaster's downward roll...holding on for dear life.

My stomach tightened further, and at the base of this ride's hill, my body exploded and I lost it.

"Ooooh," I moaned brazenly. "Edward, God...yes!" And as my body crumpled into a jiggly mess, the vibrations stopped, but Edward's mouth and hand stayed where they were.

I shifted a little but quickly stopped when I felt the fabric of my pants push in to my swollen clit. My head was swimming with a post orgasmic high, and all I really wanted after going so long without one was to have another.

The overwhelming hunger for sex was there, pitted in my stomach and streaming through my veins. Once again, I felt like comparing myself to a fiend. _Funny how Edward seems to be the fuel for your addiction._

A giggle threatened to escape my smile stretched lips at that thought, but I held it in. I opted to try and look sensuous instead of a giggling school girl. I wanted Edward to show me just what he was going to 'teach' me.

Unfortunately for me, my sex guru had just Power Ranger morphed into a huge cock blocker. Well, clit blocker.

"Bella, wait." He sounded as breathless as I felt. As he spoke, his hands wrapped gently around my wrists. I'd been trying to pull his body up toward - _cough, make that_ _on, cough_ - me. "I can't...we can't...not yet."

"Why? Do you need time between, well, you know?" I blurted out very crassly, but hey, my libido was evidently in charge here.

Edward actually laughed, a small smile on his lips when he spoke to me-still on his knees and between my legs. "That's definitely not the issue here, Bella."

"Then, what's the fucking problem?" I huffed, very aware that I was pouting now. "Or is that it? There's a _fucking_ problem?"

Edward's eyes bore into mine this time. "No! Shit, I mean..." His hands went straight to his hair, tugging gently. "It's just...I decided I really like you and want to do more than just fuck you, and I can't start fucking you now like this. It's not the right way." His palms were hidden in clumps of bronze hair that poked through the spaces in between his fingers. As he was rambling, my brain finally caught up to what he had actually just said.

"You like me?" _Oh, great. We're back to stumbling through sentences like we're a sixth grade girl._

"Yes, more than I'd like to admit." He then flashed the dazzling smile.

_Is it awful that I'm picturing millions of women's panties dropping round the city?_ Fuck if my libido wasn't caught up in a swoon from his charms.

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The gleeful, girlish giggles finally erupted, the noise hidden under the shower's stream. _Jeebus, the sex guru wants to get to know me._ Me? He didn't want to hit and run. _Wow, that's sweet...just not in the way I said it, but the meaning is sweet._

I washed up quickly, wanting nothing more than to be close to Edward again. Secretly, I was praying that when I stepped out of the bathroom, he'd be naked. I mean, geesh, this is 2010. Who waited to get to know someone before they screwed their brains out after multiple orgasms nowadays?

Of course that wasn't what happened, though. I stepped out of the bathroom after primping in the mirror, trying to give myself that naturally beautiful look. _Ha! Yes, nude lip gloss is natural._

Groaning, I wiped the sheer gloss off my lips and poked my head into the hallway...where no one was waiting, naked or otherwise.

"Crap," I huffed before getting the idea he might be waiting on my bed. I opened the door, and no luck. "Double crap. Just my luck. Get the guy whose profession revolves around sex, and he's a freaking monogamous monk."

"I wouldn't go quite that far, Bella." I heard from the doorway. I refused to turn around and face him. Instead, I threw my hands in the air animatedly.

"Shit, we need to get you a cat collar. You know the ones with the little bells? So you can stop sneaking up on me," I complained to bedspread, which was still crumpled from my first clothes on orgasm. Fuck! Well really, my first great orgasm.

"You mean so I can stop overhearing you have conversations with yourself?" He chuckled his way through the sentence effortlessly.

"Yeah, that too," I huffed before adding, "I guess I should get dressed since you have your err...um...cock locked down."

"Oh, you make him sound so sad," he whined, and it caused me to turn around. Edward was looking down at said handcuffed penis. "It's okay, buddy. You're not completely grounded."

That did it. I burst into a fit of giggles. "Hey, I may have conversations with myself, but at least they are not with my hoo-ha."

That little comment earned me, what I would call a mock glare, the hint of his famous smirk giving it away. "You get dressed. I came to see if you had any snacks I could raid for us?"

"Puh-lease," I sounded out sarcastically, "I just graduated med school and work horrendously long shifts with no hope of eating a real meal. I _live_ on snack foods."

He winked and told me he'd meet me in the living room, saying that we had a certain television series to finish watching. I almost groaned out a complaint, but I rethought it. Maybe naked vamps and blood drinking would cause another spontaneous sex act to happen. Hopefully.

_Yes, let us become the dick whisperer. _My inner perv clapped and sang. That bitch may even have started doing some ancient lust inducing dance, complete with tassels hanging off her. Whoa, never mind. _What? A girl can hope._

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

**EPOV**

_What the hell am I doing?_ I knew that she wanted me to fuck her. I also knew that I wanted to screw her and make her whimper my name in her dreams. _Then, why are we causing me so much pain if it's what everyone wants?_

It was crazy that my dick was becoming Dr. Phil and giving my brain advice. Yes, everyone here wanted to get laid, but more than that...I wanted Bella. I didn't want to share her, and to have that, I needed to convince her and my sore balls that I wasn't just a quick fuck.

But, one thing was right. What the hell progress was I going to make cozying up with her on the couch? The same couch she spilled her secrets to me on, the couch that led to our lip-locked stumbling to her bedroom.

Images began pulsing in my head like a strobe light at a disco club. Bella moaning my name. Bella's nails running over my skin. And the cherry on top- Bella screaming her way through an orgasm that almost had me nutting in my pants.

I had to get us out of her place for a bit, and I knew just the thing. I reached into my pocket and dug out my cell, all while throwing a bag of popcorn into her shiny red microwave.

"Hey, Jasper, it's me," I said before he could run through the whole greeting for the shop. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry I disappeared when I went to get coffee."

I could hear him laughing, saying how they saw me sprinting behind a pretty brunette and hopping into a cab from the shop's window.

"What?" I tried to hide my own laughter. I must have looked like a panting puppy, begging for a treat. "Well, I called to say sorry and to let you know I won't be back in tonight."

"No one expected you to, boss." Ugh, I hated when he called me that, and he knew it. But, he also knew-probably from my whispered conversation-that I was still with the pretty brunette and wouldn't argue with him.

"Thanks, Jas." No point in saying anything else. Jasper always had a reply. Always.

"No problem. And, Edward? Tell Pinky the...what did she call me? Oh yeah, tell her the blue eyed devil says hey."

What did I say? He always had an answer for everything.

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**A/N: I hope you all loved it, tell me what you think. Reviews mean Edward's balls won't be permanently blue, lol.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Looks around to see if anyone is still here...**

**I know it's been forever and a day since I updated and I'm super sorry...**

**I need to thank my beta lexiecullen17 for jumping in & beta'ing as soon as I let her know it was done.**

**Twilight belongs to SM...I just play with her characters.**

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**BPOV**

I could hear Edward rummaging around my kitchen in his hunt for snack food. Checking myself in the mirror, I could see that my face still held a rosy complexion from the shower's steam and that my tangled hair was not going to be tamed with any quick fix-hence, the small jar of hair bands atop the counter for just this situation.

With my hair pulled back and off my neck, I stepped into the living room , ready for a few hours of semi-pornographic vampire watching. Instead, I was met with a Edward, whose face was contorted into a mask of concentration, all of which was directed at the blank screen on the television.

"What's wrong, Edward?" The hesitancy in my voice sounded too much like a small child questioning an apparently upset adult. _Shit, shit, shit...he's changed his mind about me._

His head snapped up, and a lovely smile spread across his face. "Honestly?" I nodded at him to continue. "I don't think I can be alone with you and keep to my earlier idea of getting to really know you."

My inner perv, aka my vagina, screamed out in joy. _I knew the lust dance and tassels would work in our favor. _Geez, that bitch really needed to get some so she could stop acting all wide-eyed crazy. Sadly, all my brain could commute to my mouth was a pitiful, "Oh, really?"

His smart-assed smirk was back as he looked me up and down. "Yes, really. So I thought I'd go home..."

In his pause I could feel my ego deflate and my whole body turn in on itself in a slump. I was so busy berating myself that I almost didn't hear him finish his sentence.

"...go home and get changed, so that I can take you out on a proper date."

Now it was his turn to look skeptical and unsure. I'm positive that my dying fish routine-of open close mouth-didn't help to soothe him.

"A proper date?" I repeated to no one. "I think I like that idea. Do I get a say in where we're going?"

The smug bastard that had just made a hasty exit stage left was back in the spotlight. "Not a chance. I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up?"

In an effort to make him worry, I hesitated on accepting. Unfortunately his face told me that he knew I was bluffing. "Fine, but at least give me an idea on what I should wear."

"Whatever you want. Nothing too fancy or your pajamas."

"So, a tee shirt and panties would be undressed?"

"Fuck me, Bella," he hissed.

"I've been trying to, but we'll do it your way. I'll be ready when you get back." I smirked and watched as his eyes grew a darker shade of lovely green, then kissed him on the cheek and opened the door for him to go get ready.

_Yes, two can play at that game._

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Twenty minutes after the front door had been closed, I was still standing in front of my closet. There wasn't one thing in there that I could decide on, well more like focus on. All I could think about were orgasms and penises that weren't allowed to come out and play.

Huffing out my frustration, I decided that I should probably try and fix my hair while it was still semi-damp from my shower. Even there, I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to style it. It had been so long since I'd gone out on a date where I wanted to really, _really_ impress the guy. _Impress, seduce...tomato, to-mat-to...interchangeable, really._

Figuring how I wore my hair up at work, and work is mainly where I lived, I decided that wearing it down was the way to go in my hunt for being sexy. _Really? Did you just think that in a weird Steve Irwin voice?_

Ugh, sexual frustration could possibly cause me to lose my mind and have internal arguments, thinking my woman parts are about to revolt. _Vive le vagina, bitch. _

Now who's talking in crappy imitation accents? Shaking my head, I walked into the bathroom, quietly talking to myself. "Yup, I'm losing my mind."

Looking at my sink and the surrounding counter only confirmed that thought. For a brief second, my curling iron looked very much like a long silver cock. My hand shot to the bridge of my nose and then rubbed the image from my eyes.

My lust evidently got the memo to start fucking around because all of a sudden my toothbrush started looking like one of those anal dildos and my lipsticks were varying shades of magic bullets. And the sheer fact that I picked up the shiny silver cock and began curling my hair around it told me I was officially as mad as the hatter.

With "magic bullet chrome red" applied to my lips, I strolled back to my closet. The television caught my attention. I was positive the damned thing just spouted out "Billy's got the beef you need. Come on over for the cock out and shaved party!"

I almost tripped on the corner of the carpet as I snatched the remote off the couch and hit the rewind button. Thank heavens for DVR service. When I had made sure I was far enough back, I hit play.

"Billy's got the beef you need. Come on over for the cook out and gate party." There were dancing footballs and hot dogs on the screen.

"Jesus Christ, Bella, get your shit together," I spat at myself before dropping the remote in favor of the telephone. There was really only one person I could call in this situation who wouldn't think I was balls out crazy. Shit, even my rants were starting to involve male body parts.

The phone had barely rung through once when she picked up. "Tell me everything," Alice said as she picked up. Damned perky pip-squeak acted like she knew I was going to call.

What other choice did I have? She'd probably find out about it anyway...

"Oh, Alice. He's wonderful and he wants to take me on a date, so now I'm running around the house and seeing inappropriate things..._everywhere._ And I don't even know what I should wear!"

There. Band aid ripped off in one quick pull.

Aaaaand, silence. What the fuck? I had spilled my guts in a very unlike me kind of way, and I got silence?

"Alice?" I questioned the white noise on the other end.

"Hold on. I was trying to not to burst from what you just dropped on me." A quiet high-pitched giggle escaped her. "Are you telling me the guy who owns a pleasure shop - and is essentially a bringer of pleasure - is torturing you by withholding pleasure?"

"Yes. But wait. How did you get all that out of, 'He wants to take me on a date?'"

"Oh, ye of little faith, Bella. I'm wise beyond your years. That and the fact that he specializes in sex and you're not in some sling hanging from your ceiling but trying to get ready for a date can only mean he's withholding."

"How do you know I'm not the one making him wait?"

"Bella, darling, have you seen Edward?" I gasped, thinking of what she just insinuated. "Hey, I'm not saying you're puppy kibble, but I've seen you step into the hospital without so much as a glance at anything with a dick."

"Fine," I huffed as I plopped down on the couch. "Help me, please?"

"Okay. When you say you're seeing inappropriate things all over, what exactly do you mean?"

For a moment, I couldn't bring myself to say it, but then remembered how desperate I was and just who I was speaking to. "I mean, I keep seeing dildos, vibrators and penises whenever I look at things."

"Mhm, just what I thought. Bella, you have Phallus Flu."

"Phallus Flu?"

"Yes, of course. You have sex on the brain so much so that you're seeing it everywhere. There's a cure of course...you need to get off," Alice stated in what I would call a very effective doctorial tone.

"I can't get off the phone! You haven't helped me yet," I spat out, realizing halfway through my sentence what she'd actually meant. "Never mind. I get it."

"After that happens, you'll have a clear enough mind to pick out your clothes. And Bella, the orgasm is a great accessory for a date," Alice added in that same air of authority.

"Huh?" I answered, ever the vigilant student.

"It'll give your face a really pretty glow. Bye, doll. Knock him off his feet." With that, she left me sputtering, unintelligently into the phone.

"Well, hell," I said as I placed the phone in its cradle and eyed my bedroom warily.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

Surprisingly enough, just the thought of Edward's hands on my body was enough to create the ebb tides of orgasms rolling through me. I didn't even get the chance to turn on my purple rascally rabbit.

As my muscles began to relax, I rolled to my side and caught sight of the clock. Edward was going to be back at my apartment soon. Between the indecision, Alice's phone call, and the solo quickie...time was speeding by.

In a hurry, I found a cute knee length skirt-it had a those pleats along the waist so that if I actually went all Sound-Of-Music-twirling it would flutter around me. I paired it with a shirt that showed what little curves I had and some ballet flats.

As I'd glanced between the sparkly black flats and the sexy Jimmy Choos lying in my closet, my mind flashed to my almost falling face first into Edward's crotch and decided to leave the sexy sling backs for another night.

Just as the heel of my foot slid into the shoe, I heard the intercom buzzing, announcing Edward's arrival.

My heart began pumping faster as the thought of him, a date, and romance struggled to run its course through my head. It was such an overwhelming, joyous thought that by the time I reached the door to buzz him in I burst into girlish giggles.

Edward looked like one of those guys in the Old Spice commercials. He had tried to slick his hair back, but there were strands breaking free as if his fingers had danced their way through them.

His light-weight plaid shirt had the sleeves rolled just below the elbow-the top and bottom button both left undone, and the jeans that hung low on his hips gave me mental images that would make a sailor blush, even after a six month stint out at sea.

"Wow, Bella, you look nice." Edward rushed the words out all in one exhale of breath. I could only focus on the movement of muscles under his shirt.

Instead of being a polite hostess, I mentally became a vulgar perv who had ripped every shred of clothing from him in an effort to molest his beautiful body. Those thoughts caused me to slam the door behind myself as I barely stepped into the hallway and ended up brushing myself against said fantasized frame.

"So, where are you taking me?" I asked in an unsteady but hopefully excited voice. In my own ears I sounded frantic and anxious, though, like I'd just run a triathlon.

Edward didn't step away from me when he noticed that every breath either of us took caused my chest to brush against his toned stomach. Instead, he just smiled a cute lopsided grin and wound his arm across my lower back.

"If I told you..." He leaned in close to my face. "What fun would that be?" I could practically feel his words on my lips. My eyes closed involuntarily, and then...nothing.

I peeked one eye open to see a wicked smirk in place and his face pulled back from mine. Damned slick bastard knew I'd been waiting to be kissed. As we started toward the elevator, I wondered if my panties would survive this date or if the heat he was giving off would incinerate them completely.

With a quick rub of my thighs, to ensure said panties had not disappeared, and a prayer to God to make it through the night, I stepped into the elevator and held my breath as the doors closed us in together.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

**A/N: So where do you think he's taking her?**

**I love y'all for sticking through this with me. You can always hit me up on twitter il_bel_mondo  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: *peeks in and looks around* Whew, if you're reading this you're still along for the ride. I love you all, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year's.**

**Big thanks to lexiecullen for quick beta'ing this shit. **

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxo  
**

**EPOV**

I didn't think I'd ever gotten showered and changed for a date quicker than I had after rushing out of Bella's place. Now, I was just sitting on the bed, my once tamed hair a mess of tangles and obstinate strands poking out.

The only thing on my mind was the wanton expression on Bella's face as I closed the door and fled.

_Pussy._

Shut up! This is your fault, you over eager bastard. If it weren't for you, I'd be calmly picking up the girl I want to date and then fantasizing about screwing her at the end of the night. But nope, you come in and mess it all up.

_Wouldn't be the first time I came and messed something up. _

Fuck! Just be quiet.

Leaving her there, wanting me the way I wanted her, had been hard. _Yes, definitely felt hard to me. _Briefly I looked down to my conversational cock and finally sighed out an apology to it. I mean, it did have a point.

I wanted to get ready quickly and be back by her side for our date. I wanted her close to me so much that I hadn't even stopped to think where I was taking her out.

Frustratingly, I racked my brain for something fun but not childish, romantic but not too intimate and could think of nothing that blew me away. And let's be honest, if I wasn't thrilled about what I was coming up with then why in the hell would Bella enjoy it?As I fell back onto my mattress my thoughts quieted enough for me to hear the rambling of the radio. My obsession for music at all times paid off as I heard the DJ talk about a concert out at Santa Monica Pier.

The Pier was holding a tribute show called "Rock Through The Ages," featuring great songs from the last five decades. I deduced that anyone, even a doctor who lived at work, could appreciate the great ones. Plus, it was a bonus that the concert was at the pier. The whole date came together instantly.

I picked up my jacket, phone and keys and headed toward the door humming along to "Come Together" by the Beatles. As I sped back over to her place, I got on the phone and called up a party promoter that had once needed me to fill an _interesting_ request for an artist that he had booked at The Viper Room.

'_Discretion is everything,'_ he had said, then tacked on the customary, _'I'll owe you one."_

Two rings later he answered. I could barely hear him over all the background noise. "Hey, Eric," I spoke loudly to make sure he heard me and my over friendly greeting, "Remember that favor you owe me?"

His laughter was the only answer I got for a few moments before he finally spoke. "I knew you'd collect sooner or later. Hold on, let me get somewhere quieter."

Eric's version of quieter was still ear deafening. "So, what can I get the man who can get anything he wants just by smiling?" It was an old joke between us. He thought I was pretty, and I thought he was a very flirty, short "Fabuuulousss" guy.

"Not too much, buddy. Just two tickets for the tribute show at the pier." I finished up in a light tone and then held my breath for the rejection.

But it didn't come.

"Leave it to you to know just the perfect thing to ask for. It's like you read minds, or did someone tell you I was helping promote it?" He laughed again, and the noisy background made much more sense. Seconds ago I had been a bit disturbed by the sounds of kids' voices-and that at one of Eric's shows was disconcerting.

"I didn't know, actually. You're just the only guy I know in the scene. " Now I laughed, using the same remark as he had when he needed to find an array of sex toys.

"Just give me a ring when you're close, and I'll meet you with the passes."

I thanked him and told him it wouldn't be too long before we'd be there. I was going to leave this as a surprise in case Eric fell through and so that she couldn't veto what I knew would be fun.

My heart was like a jumping bean in my chest, and suddenly I felt like a puberty-ridden teen picking up the hot girl for the dance.

_Nope, your mom drove us that night._ I rolled my eyes and prayed that my dick kept its thoughts to itself for a bit. Bella would love to see me in public, arguing with the very thing she wanted to get her perfect little hands on.

Before I had finished speaking out loud to the said puberty-ridden teenage boy in my pants, I had pulled into the parking lot of Bella's apartments.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Bella looked fantastically edible when she walked out the door. When I calmed down enough and buzzed her place, she said if we wanted to make it to the date, I had better wait for her to come down.

"A truer statement couldn't have been made, Bella," I agreed as soon as I saw the very low-cut, feminine top and girly skirt. I wanted nothing more than to defile the innocent woman she looked like.

She smirked, turned a beautiful shade of pink, and nearly tripped over some loose gravel. Good thing she caught herself, or else she would have face planted into the side of my car.

"Knew I picked the right shoes," I heard her grumble, and I had to stifle the laughter that was bubbling up in my chest. "Don't think I don't see your shoulders shaking in the window, mister," she fumed.

The laughter boomed out of me then, and I opened the door for her, bowing as she stepped past me to sit down. "M'lady," was all I could muster up before closing the door.

For the whole twenty-two minutes of the ride-yes, I counted-Bella grilled me on the details of our evening. Once she discovered that I wouldn't relent, she pouted and stared out the window. That, I found out, was the perfect time to ogle her legs, which were peeking out from her skirt, and the rise and fall of her breasts.

I half-chuckled, half-groaned as she grumbled out soft feigned complaints.

"If you weren't so dead set on being stingy with your penis, tonight's plans wouldn't be a mystery." Or, "Stupid hot, stubborn sex shop guy with all your toy and pleasure knowledge, makes me sick that I wore this skirt. Really it's a waste. Easy access isn't needed when you're on a date with a celibate."

It was with that comment that I started choking on the insane amount of saliva that had built up in my mouth. I couldn't help it, I had become the eager, drooling wolf in the cartoons from my childhood.

She was amazing, different, and just the change I had never looked for but realized I needed. When I approached the exit, I phoned Eric.

Making sure not to give any hints to Bella, the only thing I said was, 'We're close by."

Then, I side-eyed her the rest of the way, watching as her eyes grew with recognition, then lit up with what I hoped was excitement.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**BPOV**

Edward opened his car door only to be met by a bouncing, bubbly, black-spikey haired...guy. The most ridiculous thought popped into my head about Alice dressed in drag to spy on our date. Well, until he spoke. Alice had a much deeper voice than Eric did.

He introduced himself to me and complimented Edward's choice in dates. Though somehow it seemed like a back handed compliment. He smiled a crazy animated smile at us then told us to follow him.

"My mistake. He's just her male doppelganger," I whispered to myself, only Edward heard me and elbowed me lightly.

"I once thought about introducing them."

"Who?" I tried being coy.

"You know very well who. The two peppiest people we know. I'm surprised they haven't met already. I think they have the same hair dresser."

Of course I snorted in a super unladylike way, which made Edward smile and Eric/Alice turn over his shoulder and give me the stink face.

I further ruined 'people's' perception of me when we reached the entrance onto the Santa Monica pier. Eric handed Edward two VIP passes to the concert that was postered everywhere. I may or may not have jumped up and down squealing and wondering out loud which songs were going to be played.

All in all, it was a good ice breaker. Edward told me that we had about an hour before the music would begin. Since we had backstage access, we didn't need to rush to get a good spot. So, we walked along the pier and looked onto the ocean, making guesses about which of our favorite songs would be performed.

We both agreed that any form of Rolling Stones or Beatles had to be on the playlist, then took turns naming out decades and the top bands of the time-in our opinion.

There was a row of game booths lining the right side of the walk. As we stopped, I opened my mouth but was interrupted by Edward.

"Come on, Bella, please don't deny me the chance to win my date a prize." He puppy-dog-eyed me, and I punched him softly on the shoulder.

"I was going to do nothing of the sort, _date_. I was going to challenge you to a game."

A wicked grin graced his face, and the carnie guy laughed outright at the both of us. When all was said and done, I was smiling brightly, and Edward was holding a pretty purple and pink unicorn, a rainbow printed on the right side of its ass.

"Don't gloat, Bella, and you really should hold this." He tried to push the sparkly stuffed animal at me, but I held up my hands. "C'mon, Edward, please don't hurt my feelings by returning the prize I just won for my date."

"Ha-ha-ha, funny girl." _Sexy man._ Ugh. I internally groaned as my pervy vagina made her first date appearance. To get my mind off everything running through my brain, I decided to grin at him. Then, he tried to get me to take the unicorn from him. In a very nasally, childlike voice he spoke.

"Ohhhh, I love him, love him, _love_ him." He made a show of squeezing the plush animal to my face. "Thanks, Miss Bella. His name is Purpony, and he's the bestest." Once he saw that we had a nice little audience, he got louder going in for the kill. "You're so pretty, Miss Bella." He squealed in the happiest four-year-old imitation I could imagine before smacking a very wet kiss on my cheek.

A large group of teens near us began laughing and pointing fingers in our direction, and a few older folks talked in a hush whisper. My face got tight as I tried futilely to not laugh at him, trying not to encourage him. Instead of saying anything, I over-dramatically wiped his spit off my cheek, then snatched the unicorn away from him and thrust it at a passing little girl.

"That was very, very naughty Edward," I chastised, playing along. "You know we only play _those_ games when we are at home." Then, I soundly smacked his ass before grabbing his hand and dragging him back in the direction of the stage.

Now, loud whispers and laughing mingled with Edward's and my giggles.

This date was off to a great start.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

The cover band was fantastic. Much to my surprise, they didn't stick to one music era before moving on to the next. One second we were listening to Rolling Stones, "No Sympathy" (to which Edward and I both smiled knowingly at one another) and then the next Nirvana's "Teen Spirit."

It was wonderful and exciting and mellow-one emotion after the next. Edward stood next to me and gently placed small touches along my arms and hands. I watched out of the corner of my eye. Edward's movements were making me grin and laughter soon after bubbled to the surface.

Kurt Cobain and the nineties grunge had him head banging, and The Beatles, Stones, and Monkeys had him hopping around and swaying along to the lyrics. The Pat Benatar covers made me giggle hopelessly; I always pictured drag queens singing when a guy covered a female vocalist.

The late sixties Mommas and the Poppas coupled with the seventies Skynard were heavenly music to my ears, so much so that I couldn't stop myself from singing along. Naturally, Edward quirked an eyebrow at me before he outwardly made fun of my horrid singing abilities.

"Damn, Bella, it's a good thing you don't moan like that." I stuck my tongue at him mid-chorus of Freebird and kept on belting out the song. It had always been one of my dad's favorite records.

How did Edward reply? Of course, in the snarky way I was becoming accustomed to. "Really, Bella, it sounds like you've got either a hairball or dying cat that coughed up the hairball in your throat."

Soon after, the tribute show was over, and I was ecstatic about the night. Only thing was, I couldn't stop thinking about getting Edward naked and hearing what _his_ moans sounded like.

"Now that we've had our first date, how long do you think you'll make me wait to get to second, third, or, you know, home? Are you going modern-standard three dates, or would you like me to woo and court you?" I couldn't believe my mouth had just spewed all of my vagina's passive aggressive thoughts.

Edward feigned shock, his hand fluttering in front of his open mouth. "First, dear Miss Swan, our date has not yet ended." _Seriously, even with a bad fake British accent, he's hot._ My internal musing were muting the bad imitation. "Secondly, I'm not sure if I could stand your methods of wooing or courting."

Now it was my turn to be appalled.

"Does that shock you?" I nodded, still unable to form words past the beginnings of stutters. "Let's recap. You've fallen in to me, nearly threw a vibrator at me, screamed, stormed away, and let's not forget that you've propositioned me more than once, and are always saying fuck me in that sweet little voice."

I tried to look offended, but the sight of him trying to keep his composure had us both grinning like fools by the end of his rant.

"Well, now that that's...semi-cleared up, where are you taking me next?"

I took advantage of the crowd around us to loop my arm through his and cuddle closer to him. "I figured we could go traditional for this part of the date and get dinner."

"I could eat," I said, smiling as I pressed my cheek against his bicep.

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"Bellllaaa." Edward had this silly, blank expression on his face, skewing his perfection for a brief second before he repeated, "Belllllaaa."

He'd been talking in the slow drawl of a slow southerner ever since we approached the front doors. Our watress had been cutting eyes at us from afar ever since he ordered that way, too. She'd smiled, and then under her breath said, "Original. Not like I haven't heard that one before," as she strode over to the computer to hopefully put our order in, sans saliva.

"Edward, if she has the cook spit in my food, I'm soooo not gonna be happy," I explained politely and quietly across the table. That way, if she hadn't thought of adding 'extras,' I wouldn't give her the idea.

"Well, Bellllaaa, momma always said 'Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.'" He grinned at me cheekily, and I knew there was no stopping his fun.

"Fine." I eyed him-well, glared at him-before I smiled. "I'm glad I ordered the shrimp, Edward, but did you see the menu? There was fried shrimp, coconut shrimp, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, and there's stir fried shrimp, shrimp burgers, and shrimp sandwiches. Whew, that there's a lotta shrimp."

Damned Forrest Gump, and it's awesomness to hide memorable quotes inside your brain that never leave. And damned people for making a real life Bubba Gumps with all its fantastical shrimp dishes.

Edward literally started slapping the table, laughter booming out of him so much so that the near by tables were staring.

"I'm a professional comedian. He's helping me with my act," I explained to the touristy couple close by. The husband/boyfriend was wearing a Bubba Gump hat _and_ shirt. His wife blinked at me before whispering to her spouse. "See, Frank, told you we'd see some stars here. Everyone loves shrimp."

I smiled and nodded before turning back to my now red -aced, Cheshire cat of a date. "And what, Edward, is so hilarious? You've been talking funny the whole time."

"Oh, it's just..." He giggled. "It's just that your Bubba Gump is almost as bad as your singing."

I threw my folded napkin at him, and he retaliated by throwing his at me. It bounced off my arm and fell to the floor. As I leaned down to pick it up, something caught my eye. There was a small slip of paper poking out of the folds of Edward's napkin.

_Seriously? You've got to be fucking kidding me._

Setting the napkin on the table, I showed Edward the paper. He threw his hands up in a classic 'I didn't do anything' move, to which I nodded that I knew. He hadn't even bothered to unfold the napkin before tossing it my way.

The waitress, a girl named Bree, returned to the table just then.

"Can I get anyone some more to drink?" I shook my head, and Edward stared at me blankly. "Okay, your Drunken Lt. Dan and shrimp gumbo should be up soon. Anything else I can do for you, just let me know."

I noticed that her head was inclined toward Edward; she kind of resembled a poodle who'd attempted a relaxer on the curls and failed with her head cocked to the side like that.

"Umm, Bree was it?"

She darted her eyes over to me, a fake smile plastered in place, and nodded.

"I do have one other thing for you." I unfolded the paper and handed it to her, her name and phone number scrawled across it. "Very original, not like that's happened before."

Her face colored a brilliant pink, almost the color of freshly cooked shrimp, now that I thought about it. She turned and walked off, saying she was going to check on our food.

Before she was out of ear shot I told Edward, "And here I was, thinking she was shooting us dirty looks because of your awful Forrest Gump impersonation. Who knew that was her seduction face?"

"You're so mean, Bella." He winked. "I'm oddly turned on by that."

Our food came out, carried by a large guy with slicked back black hair and too many muscles. _Hey, look, it's a Jersey Shore cast off. Wait, do they vote people off that show? _No, but they should, I mused to myself.

"Hi, guys." He had a thick accent I couldn't quite place. "Bree wasn't feeling well, so I'm going to take over for her. I'm Demetri by the way."

I tried hard not to smile too big, but it was hard not to. To top it off, Demetri ,with his fantastic accent, decided he too would quote the movie with Edward. Instantly, I liked him and was all too sure that his imitation had to be worse than mine.

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We walked back down the pier. The breeze off the ocean had started to make the night air chilly. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed me close to him.

"Dinner was...fun," he mused.

"Watch it, Gump, or I'll be yelling 'Run, Forrest, run' as I chase you down the pier."

Edward put his whole body weight on me, leaning just long enough to make me stumble.

"Ass."

"What? My leg fell asleep." He kissed my cheek, and my body thrilled and reverted back to a pervert in all of two seconds. "That, and I just wanted an excuse to hold you closer."

I could feel my face heating up, equaling the heat that was coursing through my sex-deprived body. _We need to make him see that he doesn't want to be a church boy any longer._ Wow, my vagina now sounded like a corrupt priest or at least a true sinner. _Oh bitch please, like you don't want to sin with Edward right the fuck now._

"Fuck me," I whispered too low for anyone to hear.

"Want to stop here to get some ice cream." He had paused without me noticing, and I ended up in front of him, a step out from under his arm.

I took a step back quickly.

Then, I looked up and saw the name of the place. "Seems like a perfect fit." My voice was light and airy, dreamlike almost, and I thought I heard him mutter, "You have no idea."

When I turned to look at him to see if I heard correctly, I saw a embarrassed look on his face before his trademark smirk replaced it. "Ouch, Bella, you wound me." He grasped his shirt in one fist while his other hand opened the door.

"Welcome to Soda Jerks." There was a cute, short boy, barely sixteen, behind the counter of the retro ice cream shoppe that welcomed us in.

Edward and I decided to order the large brownie sundae to share. As the 'soda jerk' made our dessert, I watched it come together and was glad we had decide that one order was enough for us both. The thing was ginormous.

_I bet Edward is ginormous._

"God, this looks amazing." I said as we walked over to a table. "I can't wait to dig in."

_I wish Edward would decide to dig in._

He smiled and after setting the bowl on the glossy Formica table top I watched-enraptured by the sight-as he licked some chocolate sauce off his fingers.

_UNF, those fingers, that mouth...can I lick him like that?_

My horny vagina was muddling my thoughts and soon the clear mind I usually own was a mucky mess of innuendos and fantasies.

Edward putting his mouth on me, me licking whip cream off Edward's abs, him returning the favor with chocolate sauce and cherries. My thighs went slick at my over active imaginations.

The fact that I'd chosen to wear a skirt made me realize that I was a genius. The cool air helped to cool down my thighs and I knew that when I stood up I wouldn't have an embarrassing wet crotch look going on.

"Bella, you okay?" I could hear his voice as he tried to quiet;y ask the question.

"Huh? Yeah I'm okay, why?" I blinked several times to get the image of a glorious, naked Edward out of my thoughts.

It didn't work.

"Well you were staring at me, but not really." He smiled at me and patted my hand. "To be honest you kind of looked like you were going to _eat me_."

"You could tell?" My mouth sputtered out without my brain's permission, which caused my hands to fly up and cover it up.

He simply smirked and held up a spoonful of warm brownie and ice cream goodness.

The brownie was really good and I tried to delve into thoughts of how fudgy and good it was and not how sexy and naked he was under his clothes. Neither of us could finish the monstrous yumminess and we sat back with half a bowl remaining.

"So, Miss Bella, are you ready for me to take you home?"

"Oh, you have no idea." I grinned and batted my eyes at him.

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**A/N: sorry if the breaks are a little off, I'm still not used to ffn taking the ones I put in out. I tried to fix it best I could.**

**What did you think? Was it a good 'first' date?**

**Leave me some holiday love, press that button y'all  
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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Okay dolls (and hopefully some guys) here it is, the rest of E and B's date.**

**Thanks to lexiecullen17 for betaing for me**

**Check me out at twitter il_bel_mondo come and chat**

**SM owns all things Twi, I just play with her characters**

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**EPOV**

My hands felt as if they were glued to the steering wheel with the mass amount of sweat coming off of them. I knew I should chill out and relax, but the thought of Bella staring at me while I wiped clammy palms on my thighs made my insides knot up with anxiety.

_Think of it as a deterrent. Surely the disgusted look on her face should get our minds off fucking her into oblivion._

You'd think that, but I sincerely doubted it. I mean check me out I was fully conversing with a brainless nuisance in my jeans. I chuckled at myself and then realized what I had done. My eyes darted toward the passenger seat to see a quizzical Bella looking me.

"What are you thinking about that's so funny?" She blinked a few times before she allowed herself to speak.

I answered her awkwardly with a giggling, "Nothing really. Thinking about shrimp." Cue the nervous laughter again, and I was sure I looked like a complete douche bag.

"Ohhhh...okay then." She nodded her head slowly like I was some nut ball on the bus talking to her about aliens mind controlling us all. Crazy, right? Then I glanced at my crotch and thought maybe I wasn't so crazy...if you thought there might be a little alien hiding in my pants.

With my odd behavior during the car ride and Bella's almost complete silence, I thought there was no chance that she wouldn't jump from the car and dart into her building. I was scolding myself and my penis on how stupidly we had acted.

"Edward?" Bella spoke my name, and it was one of the few times she sounded unsure in her tone. "Um, I was wondering if you wanted to come up for a drink? I mean, you don't have to if you don't feel like it..."

"I'd love to. Really, it sounds nice." I cut her off mid sentence then ran away with my answer like a gleeful child on his way to the candy store.

_Ewww, really? Now we're equating candy stores with our parents and opportunities of sex with Bella? Gross._

I nodded my agreement to my cock but to Bella it looked like I was backing up my answer with the action.

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Awkward silence seemed to be the running theme since we'd left the pier. Being submersed in the crowds had left room for us to be open and easy with one another, but in the solitude of only each other's company, we were left with, well, the awkward.

I even fumbled trying to reach over and hold Bella's hand. Just as I was about to lace my fingers with hers, she turned, and I came inches from having a handful of her skirt-covered ass.

The nervous laugh made a reappearance, and in my ears I sounded like a sad rendition of Beavis-or was it Butthead? Either way, it was complete ridiculousness and made me feel totally inexperienced.

Surprisingly, once we had reached her door, she opened it and grabbed my hand, silently leading me into the space. The door clicked behind me, and suddenly Bella's body was flush with mine as she stretched her arm to lock the door shut.

Her breath warmed my neck, and my body went rigid with need to press myself into her. Slowly, and carefully, I lowered my lips to her forehead and pressed a soft kiss there.

"Bella," I whispered, my mouth still against her skin, "if we're going to do this right maybe I should..."

My half-assed attempt at leaving faded away when Bella's hand left the door and slid up my back. The tips of her fingers grazed over the fabric of my shirt, just enough so that the faintest feeling brushed along my skin.

It was ethereal. Like the feeling of a ghost whispering around you, but it was there.

Bella was touching me. Openly and without hesitation, her fingers wove into the hair at the nape of my neck. A fresh wave of tingling washed over my skin. Then, I felt her mouth. Her head turned so that she was facing me, her soft lips flush with the hollow of my throat.

Our bodies were frozen in place. The picturesque thought of two Greek statues carved out of fine white marble floated to mind, but the fog of wanton lust and need muddled the romantic idea.

As if in slow motion, I felt the heat of Bella's body pull away from mine. Through slits in heavy lidded eyes, I watched as she turned and started to lead me away from the door and further into the apartment.

WHAM!

In a monumentally awesome and cosmic "fuck you Edward," her foot caught on the edge of the coffee table. I reached to catch her, but I was drunk on the sexually overcharged hormones and was slow to react.

In a tangle of limbs-that I had not imagined-we crashed to the carpeted floor. There was a long silence as neither of us moved. The loud thud of something hitting the ceiling from the unit below, and a "keep it down up there" finally broke the resounding quiet.

We both burst into embarrassed laughter. I rolled to the side so that my weight was not fully on her. Bella propped herself up on her elbow, then boldly leaned toward me and kissed me.

It was a chaste kiss, but it lit the fire in my belly with renewed vigor. My arms wrapped around her waist, and I pulled her atop of me. Her knees settled next to my hips, and I could feel the flesh of her thighs where my shirt had ridden up.

There were static shock sparks when our skin touched, but Jesus if I didn't want to run my hands along the creamy expanse of skin that led to where I had forbidden myself to go.

_Well, you know what they say about forbidden fruit, right?_

Relating Bella's vagina with fruit in my head made a ton of exciting and delicious images pour out of my sick mind-or rather the sick mind of my alien inhabited cock.

I decided to deepen the kiss before Bella gained her senses back and ended our lip lock. My hands gripped at her hips softly, forcing my hips to stay grounded and not perversely push up.

Our lips melded together, moving in a beautifully easy flow.

I closed my eyes and just breathed in the scent of her all around me. I ended the kiss with two small pecks. I had not violated her mouth...not yet. I just wanted to feel her as she felt the need I had for her.

Bella's hands were pressed against my chest, fingers splayed wide apart. My now open eyes traveled from my torso to her face. Her lip gloss was practically gone, and her cheeks were a wondrous shade of pale pink flower petals.

Taking it slow with her was a novel idea, but I knew the moment she pushed my chest and I lowered myself back to laying down that slow would not happen.

I tried to lift my head up so that I could watch as her hands continued up my chest and curled over the tops of my shoulders. It was erotic to see her through the shadowed room. The only lights were flickering from outside, barely tinting the room in a glow.

She then slowly brought her mouth down to my ear and whispered. "Edward, I don't just want to date you. I want to fuck you and let you get to know me on the inside and out."

_Fucking Christ. I think I just came._

For once, the obnoxious thoughts had a point. Hearing her whisper something like that almost made me lose it. My arm felt heavy as I took my time uncurling my fingers from her hip and then cupping her cheek I pulled her to face me.

Our lips found each other immediately, sensuous and timid built into erotic and frantic.

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BPOV

I was kissing Edward with everything I could muster. I knew, deep down, that I had to pull out all the stops, because I couldn't handle it if he told me we needed to wait. In my mind, it would be the same thing as being rejected outright.

His lips were soft and pliable against mine, and the rough stubble of his jaw felt wonderful under the pads of my fingertips. I could practically feel my heart beating from inside of me. I was sure Edward could feel it against his stomach as well.

My hair cascaded around us as I bent forward to continue the kiss. His mouth parted open, and I swiped my tongue along his bottom lip. His darted out and circled mine before I sucked his lip between my teeth.

Edward let out a low moan just as his hips slightly arched off the ground. I couldn't control the whimper I let loose. It had been so long since I'd been this close to having sex, much less _good_ sex. That'd been never.

The reality that I was so inexperienced slapped me hard in the face, and when I tried to sit up, I almost slipped off Edward. The t-shirt he was wearing had ridden up due to the dry humping I had been doing. His exposed abs and my slick, wet thighs made for a disastrous combo.

His strong hands steadied me on top of him, only Edward had settled my body a little lower than I'd been before. The urge to swivel my hips couldn't be stopped, and Edward's grip got a touch tighter in response.

"Belllllaa," he growled out, feral need present in his tone.

_Stop over thinking everything, Miss Clinical, and let's get us some orgasms._

"Right," I whispered to myself. Thankfully, Edward was placing small peppered kisses along my collarbone so he didn't hear me.

I reached up and pulled my hair back over my right shoulder so that it wouldn't fall into his fantastic mouth. The movement ended up pushing my breasts into his face, and he took full advantage of his position.

Through the thin fabric of my shirt and the lacey, barely there bra I had on, I could feel the warmth of his mouth and his lips pressed down around my nipple. His hand released my hip longer, enough to slide the shoulder of my shirt and the strap of my bra down with it.

The cool air of the room attacked my nipple and hardened it immediately. The stark contrast of that and the heat of Edward's mouth brought me close to quivering above him.

"Please, Edward, I don't want to wait any more." It was a low blow, pleading with the man I was straddling, my breast exposed and in his face.

But it worked.

He looked at me and asked only once if I was sure. As soon as I nodded, he quickly rolled me undereath him.

He pulled back so he was lying on his side and started undoing his belt and pants. I tried to help him get his jeans down over his hips, but of course, I went all deer-in-the-headlights when I finally got a look at his dick.

I heard the low rumble of laughter coming from his chest, and it broke the spell that had been cast. My hands were still grasping at the waist-line of his jeans, and by doing so, holding them firmly, halfway down his thighs.

"Um, Bella?" He chuckled. "Is there a problem? I'm pretty sure I looked down there earlier and everything seemed in _normal_ working order."

My eyes, awkwardly enough, had been transfixed on him in a very ogling, inappropriate way. And I may or may not have licked my lips before responding. "No, no problem. Everything looks ...great."

I caught my lip between my lip between my teeth and held it there in fear of saying anything else. Before I could register it, Edward was back above me, his lips sucking mine free from my teeth. I inadvertently moaned into his mouth and reached up to run my fingers through his hair, my fingers grazing his scalp.

His knees were between mine and slowly spreading my hips out to accommodate his size.

_Yes, his siiiizzzee._ My inner whore screamed happily, even though that wasn't what was happening.

His hands grazed along my stomach and down over the fabric of my skirt. His fingertips met the hem and then traveled back under the cotton and along my skin. When I felt his touch just inches from where my body was calling to him, the voice in my head told me that was _exactly_ what was happening.

My legs shook nervously, and my hand held fast to his hair. My free hand laid useless at my side. Anticipation had stilled me. There was no thought of me moving. I was too afraid that this was another dream I would awake from.

That was when the proverbial 'pinch' told me I was very awake and very excited. His hands brushed over my soaked panties, and I reacted with a sexual force I didn't know existed in me. My hips arched up toward his hand, my eyes rolled back in my head, and I pulled his head down into the crook of my neck.

The motions my body was making forced his lips upon the crest of my shoulder, and his head pressed into the silky fabric-the only barrier between his cock and my own sex.

I didn't want to feel awkward and girlish anymore. I wanted to feel Edward and he was capable of making me feel. The useless hand at my side went straight between us, and I instantly pulled my panties to the side before arching up and letting him feel just how wet I was for him.

He froze, a look of shock in his eyes when he peered up at me from the curve of my neck. Then, I saw the thing I had grown to love on him, the mischievous sparkle that was in his eyes when I knew he was up to something.

His fingers slid up into the hollows at the very tops of my thighs, so very close and yet not at all where I wanted him. Feather-light touches brought me close to begging him to please me.

Instead, I whispered to him. "You're such a tease."

Pressure was all I could feel then as he teasingly pressed the head of his dick to my opening. In a tortuously measured pace, he pushed just the tip inside of me. I couldn't breath and closed my eyes when I finally exhaled.

My knees pushed tight around Edward's thighs, and my hands found smooth purchase along the dip in his back, pulling him towards me, urging him to keep going.

The delectable pain of him filling my body was the most exceptional feeling I'd had sexually, and he had yet to actually do anything. Easy, steadfast strokes had me feeling my walls stretching and clenching tightly around him.

My moans filled the dimness of the room and must have been a better encouragement to Edward than just my begging, because his pace quickened. His breathing was hollow short breaths, which were competing with the short, fast strokes he was using on me.

Instinct kicked in, and I wrapped my legs up around his waist and dug my heels into his ass, forcing him deeper inside of me. Edward's hands cupped my face, his elbows balancing him as he started to drive harder and as deep as he could.

With each drop of his hips, I moaned out his name loudly. My neighbors were sure to hear me, and even in the midst of unspeakable pleasure, my brain started hearing Trey Songs' "Bet The Neighbors Know My Name".

My head turned, seeking him out, and I grasped his wrists in my hands so that I wouldn't slide any further up on the ground.

"God, Edward! Yes...yes...yesssss!" It was embarrassing and something I never thought I'd do. But being with Edward and screaming out cliched things just fit together, ironically. Kind of like an inexperienced girl going into a sex shop and getting all the _help_ she would need.

He was moaning on the escapes of breath leaving his lungs with each powerful thrust. In all honesty, I felt like I could feel it in my stomach each time his thighs slammed into the backs of mine.

We were both sweating and slick. His moans turned more like caveman growls as I started to unravel around his cock. I could feel the pulses inside of me as my walls gripped and grasped as he slid in and out of me.

My head tried to crane back, but lying down on the floor only allowed me to knock my skull on the floor. It must have been hard, because as my elusive orgasm started to approach, I could swear that I saw white blotches in my vision and everything was hazy except the feeling that was washing over me.

My muscles started tightening. My legs got tense, and in my stomach, I could feel the knots tying and then inexplicably loosen and release. My nails dug deeply into his back, his hands tightened in my hair, and fierce green eyes looked down on my face.

My mouth was open in the shape of a scream, only no sound came out. I was too lost in the quaking aftermath. Edward started to grunt louder, his deep, graceful strokes becoming erratic and short.

Edward pushed himself fully inside of me and dropped his head down on to my chest. He didn't move, and I didn't want him to. Ever.

It was in this glorious post coital haze that I'd realized that Edward was still mumbling out what I'd taken as grunts.

"Mine...mine...mine," he whispered as he huffed out deep breathes over my breasts.

**A/N: Sooooo, what did ya' think?**

**Was it good for you? Hit that review button and let me know  
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